a little laugh :-)

[sinnocent]

THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A HOCKEY GAME.

THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM.

BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE
NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA. IN A VERY
LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . THERE ARE
ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."

THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND
SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS
LIVING THERE." ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY
SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,

"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL. THERE AREN'T
ANY NUNS THERE."

[sinnocent]

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a
word was spoken. The   barbers were even afraid to start a
conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his
chair reached for   the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No
thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.'

The second barber turned to McCain and said, 'How about you?' McCain
replied, 'Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like.'
Now that is Character


***coughhehecoughhehecough***

[prism {*RgR*1*}]

LMAO~

hell yeah!

[sinnocent]

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having
all these years? Well, they're gone.'
 
'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'
 
His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, ' I do not have a headache ' ' I do not have a headache ' ' I do not have a headache '
 
Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.'
 
Well, that is wonderful' proclaims the husband.
 
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that? '
 
Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.
 
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
 
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
 
His wife says, 'WOW! - that was wonderful!'
 
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.'
 
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
 
The wife sits up and her head is spinning ' OH MY GOD ' She proclaims.
 
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
 
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
 
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying.
 
'She's not my wife '
'She's not my wife '
 'She's not my wife ' .
 'She's not my wife '
 
His funeral service will be held on Saturday

[Salem]

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­...

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work ! Strong hints do not work ! Obvious hints do not work ! Just say it !
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after a week.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only sixteen colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hockey, the shotgun formation, or engine mechanics.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape !

[sinnocent]

chuckles

[sinnocent]

Maxine's slide down the Banister of Life



As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, remember...
1.  Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
     an impressive new book.   It's called...
     'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2.  Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink,
      and be Mary.
3.  The difference between the Pope and
     your boss:  the Pope only expects you
     to kiss his ring.
4.  My mind works like lightning.  One brilliant
     flash and it's gone.
5.  The only time the world beats a path to
     your door is when you're in the bathroom.
6.  I hate sex in the movies.  Tried it once.
     The seat folded up, the drink spilled, and
     that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7.   It used to be only death and taxes
     were inevitable.  Now, of course, there's
     shipping and handling, too.
8.  A husband is someone who, after taking
     the trash out, gives the impression that
     he just cleaned the whole house.
9.  My next house will have no kitchen.  Just
     vending machines and a large trash can.
10.  A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
       mechanic might try to rip me off.
       I was relieved when he told me all
       I needed was turn signal fluid.'
11.  Definition of a teenager?
       God's punishment for... enjoying sex.   
12.  As you slide down the banister of life, may
       the splinters never point the wrong way.   

[sinnocent]

WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME FROM?

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. ?
She can't possibly be mine!!'

'Nonsense,' the doctor said.

'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'


'It isn't possible,' the man insisted.  'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'


'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this.
How often do you have sex? ' &am p;nb sp;

 


The man seemed a bit ashamed . 'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.'


'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently.

'It's rust.'   

 
 
 
 

[Kitya]

*snickers*

[sinnocent]

frowns don't know why my pics won't work

[sinnocent]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she
volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before
we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
That must've been scary', said the teacher.

'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went
'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... And, before he could say 'Fuck', the Rottweiler
ate him!'

The teacher wet her pants laughing.

[RAGNAR]

ROTFLMTAO

*wiping laughter tears away!!!*

[sinnocent]

Do you have a vagina?




A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.
She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
He asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?'.

She slams the door in disgust.


The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man
and
he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina?.'
She slams the door again.



Later that night when her husband gets home
she tells him what has happened for the last two days.


The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey I
am taking tomorrow off to be home just incase this guy shows up again'.


The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the?
door.
The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice 'Honey, I'm going
to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you
to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going
with? it'.

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.


Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same
question.
Do you have vagina'.......'Yes' she says......

The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to
leave my wife's alone and start using yours'

[RAGNAR]

 

[Salem]

Lawl !