as promised.. a posting by chanz

[Shadow duck]

hopin this is the right place to put this.. then rememberin yep it is ooc.. sooo here goes...

ok my r/t is a mess.. i can't force myself to be the normal chanz any more at this time.. it seems that maybe it is time for chanz to disapear into the darkness**or shadows if ya prefer**.. but then again i really don't want to leave... the only person who is in the know of what i am going thru is Master Kan. as i have spoken with him at length of these events.. my sister sols knows of some just not the latest i guess you could say installments of the r/t of chanz..

to be honest i find when i am in camp i am moody and sullen which if you know chanz this is not her... so it seems r/t is crossin over to v/t... for this i appologize..

Master Ubar.. the last time chanz was in camp.. she had considered beggin to be released but thought better of it.. in stead she took it upon her self to assume something.. knowin that she is your property she thought it would be the right thing to do to relay this to you.. for that she is sorry to have been a bother...

chanz has lost her will to be chanz.. she is not duckie or terror or anything.. she is well empty.. **it is as if she was full of  fire an vinagre but some one used the fire extigisher on her**.. for this she is also very sorry.. but sometimes it can become hard to rp with ones that really don't want to r/p... the ones i speak of is me .. O/others of this home are still as far as she can see r/pin and makin head way thru this lifestyle..chanz feels like she got her boots stuck in the mud and well seein as they are not hers she is not going to even attempt to remove her foot an lose them...

yes i know this is probably just another rant session of chanz but well dam it.. i am really a person on this side of the screen with real feelins an real tears i worry for those that have been hurt or sick or their family members that have also been hurt of sick.. i think maybe chanz needs a vacation...not run away but just a vacation soooo


if the soap makers come up with some calgon let me know.. could use a real bubble bath right about now..

**no not a Ubar bubbles either been there seen that... lol**..

ok i feel alittle better havin put this in to the confussin words i have.. but this is from the mind of chanz an most know that is a mess at the best of times...

hugs and kisses to those that know i care

Master Ubar chanz stated along time ago that you hold her heart in your hands.. this is still true to this day and chanz would not ever do anything on purpose to bring disrespect to You or this home.. soo i guess chanz is gonna wait an see what comes from this tirade of words

chanz an the typist behind her...

[Thalia]

Sometimes your best effort of today is only 5% of the best effort of the day before.

And you know what? As long as YOU know it's your best, what more can anyone ask of you?

We don't live a perfect, John Norman-created world where kajirae have nothing to do but be pleasing and perform domestic chores. Nope, we get stuck with a world of having uncooperative spouses, wailing children, endless bills, and nearly insurmountable stress.  After the chores of the RT day, VT chores begin to feel like insant replay.  And then a few really "special" people have illness, deaths in the family, and/or emotional traumas added to the entire unhealthy mix.

So if your best of today is 5% of your "best" when you first walked into MTC, we'll love you just the same... And if you need to walk in as an ooc chanz, please... take the time you need for your heart's ease and the companionship and love you need as a PERSON... When your heart is whole and your mind is free, then your soul can again wear slavery's chains....

[Ayelen]

~hugs you tight~

i knows how ya are feeling my sweet chanzie... ~lol~ ask dee about my huge IMs she hasn't answered yet (think i scared her off... LOL)

love ya!! ~hugs~

just talena

[kadi{MTC}]

chanz sis, everyone goes through what you are going through hun, just know you are loved and cared for by your vt family, and we all hope you will be back soon

hugs you tight

[DJ Kan]

-picks the lil duckie up, cuz that is My nickname for her, wrapping massive arms around her, kissing her forehead-

sweety, I know what you are going through, I feel special that you have talked to Me about all of this, you are loved by many of this home, and I care for you a great deal. you have always been one of My favorites because you have tried so hard since I first saw you. -s- you are a strong one, as I told you the other night.  I will not coddle you because that will not help keep you strong, but know that I am there always for you, as I am there for others of this Home. I've always been a great sounding/bitch board -chuckles-

I know some of My words sound odd coming from someone so young such as I. but if it's one thing My short life has taught Me thus far is experiance, and time to think. being around those who also have great insight to life.  this is another thing in life that will make you stronger, and gain experiance from.

it often takes something bad to get a good result. believe Me I know all about the bad.

-kotc- you are loved hon. and We are all here for you.

My time is always open for you no matter what.

[just me]

mi chanzee, i loves ya and will always have my msn open for you, ya know my hearts with ya sis, just wish i had the strength you have,


hugs and kisses
solli

[kelsey]

love you sis...and echos many of the thoughts here...my MSN, Q Im...are always open to you.....*hugs tight*

[RAGNAR]

greetings my chanz. 

naught a whole lot i can say that does naught echo what has already been said. just take one day at a time and see what happens. my chanz is never a "bother". perhaps a terror but never a bother. 

here are times we all face less than ideal situations in rt. we, at times face the same in vt as well. but that is what makes it seem so real to those of our family. my chanz is loved and i am sure if a girl hangs in there and does naught quit on herself... then a girl's efforts will naught go unrewarded.

*huggers*

[Shadow duck]

i thank each an E/everyone of you for your thoughts.. i am not going to give up Master Ubar.. as that is not my way.. i will work my way thru this one way or another.. my time will be as it has always been.. when i can i will be home **in camp**.. somedays i might just be ooc others i will try hard to be chanz.. but if it becomes less then 5% then i guess dee is gonna kick my butt as she promised if i lowered my head in shame ever again.. i will be normal soon.. huggers an smooches to A/all.. an thank you again

chanz..just tryin to find me once more..

[Taryn]

terror duckie chanz, you aren't the only one who goes through things like this, I swear sometimes I feel like the only one, only to find out I am not alone... ~snuggggggggggggggggles and hugggggggggggggggles you~ this home is special because everyone here is family and love and care for each other, though we fight, what family doesn't? but in the end they will stand beside you and help you through the tough times, sad times, and the goofy times... and especially during the happiest times of your life... love ya terror duckie chanz

[cat{MTC}]

never low your head in shame..there is not shame in be human..nor in showing ones moods or feelings..
heck not one is perfect..and as in each family..we love  each other  ..in the good days and bad days..
just know you are not alone..many loves you and care for you..
and here to laugh..or cry or hug..
after all
we are family..
and you are loved ..
 

cat

[familure{TD}]

chanz sis~all i can say is...if you ever need anything...a shoulder..a hug...or just some one to terrorize~laughing softly remembering when someone moved me furs and trunk up to the roof of the kennel wagon~...am just a nudge away. love you hon...as you...the wonderfully strong, spirited woman that you are~s~
 ~leaving lots of hugs for ya to find~

[Kitya]

*hugs ya* I know I haven't been around much lately... rt has been keeping me out too... but trust in what everyone has been saying that we really are a Family here... we do care when someone is having problems... and we try to do our best to help. If you ever need a break, and just need to sit out, and I'm in camp, just ask of you can, oh I dunno... brush the gianni.... *chuckles* they are suckers for attention.  I'll put my head together with Amantha and see if we can't figure out a somewhat enviromentally safe and creatable bubblebath solution. *hugs*

Kitya