Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A very pregnant lady get's on a bus.She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again, the man was even more amused. Then on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing! The lady finally complained to the driver, so he had the man arrested. When then case came up in court, the judge asked the young man what he had to say for himself? The man replied, "Well your Honor,it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. Then she sat down under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" & I grinned." "Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,"Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. "Then sitting herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. "But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time,and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident" I just lost it."
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2 friends marry at the same time. The 1st man tells his wife she's to cook & clean. Next day he sees his house is clean and his dinner's on the table. The 2nd man marries a southern girl & he orders her to do the same. The 1st day he doesn't see anything, the 2nd day he doesn't see anything either but by the 3rd day, some of the swelling has gone down and he can see just enough out of his left eye that he can fix himself a sandwich & load the dishwasher.
