so tired of dealing with the relentless cold and the raging wind. the lack of piles of snow did little to raise morale, even inside the usually energetic and enthusiastic girl. while some remained motivated, kiah began to succumb to the endlessness of it all. same old thing, check the bosk, check the wagon, drink warm water, scrounge up a piece of jerky, and hardest of all, try to please the unpleasant Free . it wasn't pretty but she persevered. the bosk were ready, the wagon ready, and kiah finally clearing her head enough to be truly ready. the rocky ground was left behind and higher snow was encountered. kiah must have made quite the impression, and not with her terrible singing, on that Or of men, because they came back, tying their mounts beneath the wagon and going inside to get some sleep. as thrilled as she was to see them again, to know they were still alive, she now she had, not only the bosk and wagon to take care of, along with Master's Ubar's property, her little self, but now the additional twenty beings too. the weight on responsibility was greater than she ever remembered but she found a way to handle it, drawing strength from within and just getting it done. the Outriders were no sooner asleep when her little world fell apart. a lead bosk slipped on the ice and kiah panicked, ripping back on reins and trying to get to the break. she couldn't manage both and dropped the reins to try and follow the shouted instructions of break and release. between the bosk falling on ice and almost taking the rest of the team with it Master Wapike risked his own life for the sake of Tuchuk, appearing to kiah out of nowhere and getting the wagon stopped, the bosk checked and the injured one tended to by bitsy, sending another Master (Cade) to check the kailla and kiah to take a moment to collect herself and then check on the Or in the wagon. it had all happened so fast, going from being in control to having it stolen from her. later she would figure out what she did wrong or what she could have done better. it was simply hard to move never mind think. the walk from the wagon box to the inside of the wagon seemed like passangs. she didn't know if the Masters were injured, angry, or asleep, as it remained dark inside but for a little candle and the brazier. it was one of the hardest kneels she has ever done. perhaps it was because she silently lied to them, wanting so badly to turn up those palms, desperate for any approval but especially a touch. yet she hid her feelings and deciding (to a degree) for them as she kept them palm down because she felt she had failed everyone and didn't deserve it. (she had r/p'd being too shocked to really 'hear' Master Wapike's words that she did good). the wait before them seemed endless and the unexpected reach of a sleeping Master's arm to drag her to him left her rigid against him, as the fight inside her continued. in the end, the Master, like always and without even trying, had won out. the warmth of his body and protectiveness, even if unintended, of his arm around her, made her finally feel safe again and she broke down to tears and melted to him while he slept.
perhaps, kiah should have just said the bosk slipped, the wagon slid, Master Wapike saved her and the Or didn't kill her but there was so many emotions going on at the same time and some of them not the 'right' ones for a kajira but she wanted to be honest even if it shows a weakness or a lesson that is needed. also, unbeknowst to the brilliant ST, there was r/t triggers in this, of driving too fast after a snowstorm and hitting slush and sliding. she slammed on the breaks and did a 180 which smashed the car into a metal post and beam fence. the top slat broke free and spun around, taking out the back windshield of the car, showering her toddler of a daughter (in the backseat in a carseat) with glass and thank the Lord not decapitating her in the process. that feeling of helplessness and what if's afterwards ~shudders~. anyways. it was memorable last night, crazy with emotions even in perhaps simple r/p, and leaving a few questions for the typist to delve into today.
oh yes! her apologies for the length of this post. Mistress Sarant's (and Master Arlon's) r/p was shiver inducing.
~peeks into the shadows for that blonde, who somehow got kiah to surrender yesterday, to let her know, there is no way kiah is backing down two days in a row~..*muahhahhhah*
