WEBMAZE Community
Gorean Roleplay => Tuchuk Wagon Camp => MTC OOC => Topic started by: silence{MTC} on March 28, 2007, 02:40:18 AM
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Hello My Family ...
I just want to give you a look into my eyes and soul ...
I first came to Tuchuk as a timid lil slave .. and was quickly collar by the most wonderful Mistress ... at this time i was known as gia ... I lived my life here as hers and loved every loveing second of it ... Then Rt took me away ...
Then i came back being beconed by my heart as a panther .. known as Miyako .. Talena the Ubara at the time .. quickly caged me along with another free woman .... A freeman let me out dubing me Preety eyes ... His man was Sandar ... I became a petioning member of the came and then same women who had collared me as gia took me under her wing and became a true friend ... I miss you .. ya know ..
Then again i was pulled back to Maze and the forest event .. where i played a panther called Havyk ... and once again i was called back to Tuchuk ... WHere i was given the name silence by another most wonderful mistress ... and here is where i will stay ... If you all still wish to have me ... Now to look into the soul of what makes me and silence us
Okey let us start at the begining, June 2004.
I left my mom's house with my two sons and moved in with a friend from work. BIG MISTAKE... but i did it anyway. Cause you see I had been hanging out with her and we became close. But all we ever did was party . I met this guy there, nevermind that he was 20 years younger then me. All that mattered was that he paid attention to me and desired me. He was good in bed ....HAWT.... and I thought i was soooooooo special. NOT... He was just useing me for my car and my abilty to buy him things that he himself was not old enough to buy.
But it was not the right place for my boys. So I took them and gave them to my mom. BIGGER MISTAKE... which left me free to do more drugs and party even more . I was able to spend more time with the HAWT guy and get more involved. Til he left a party we had one night with a MUCH younger then me girl. SO i got pissed and told his GF .. all about us and our lil sexcapades. . Yea yea yea I know .. I was a mean evil witch back then.But still i was hurt and pissed that he no olnger deisred me. SO i told her everything and well broke them up. But they got back together and are happy today...
Then in August I left the place I was staying and moved in with my cousin,Na Na .... She took care of me and well I just was happy there. But I sliped into this depression and i couldn't get myself out of it. I picked up and left one day .. With all intentions of killing myself . BUT being the chicken shit i am .. I couldn't slam my car into that fucking pole. So i went to this place called North west oakland carrer center. I was tired of being a burdon to everyone. SO i moved into a Homeless Shelter.... BIGGEST MISTAKE ... there i met this person.. We will call him from this point on Mister Dickhead. ..
Well on November 29th 2004 I met Mister Dickhead... He was the sweetest lman i had ever met. Treated me like a princess and made me fell good about myself. We lived in the shelter togther until january 2005, then we moved in with my then friend.... Whom we will call miss Bitch face.... We lived there for a while. Him treating me like a princess .. pampering me and saying all the right things ... Until Feb. 2005 ... when we up and decided to get married.... So on Feb.28 2005 Mr. Dickhead and I became man and wife. We Stayed in vegas for three months. Liveing on the streets and eating out of garbage cans. But I was in love and that is all that mattered to me ... We moved back to Michigan on may 15th and lived with his momma til he got a job at a factory and then we saved up enough to get an apartment... BIG BIGGER BIGGEST MISTAKE.... that is when my life turned into a liveing hell. He was fine for a while and then he started drinking. ... That is when she started beating my ass.... every time he got drunk. 6 times to be exact. The second time... I put him in jail .. he was there for 10 days .. I should have let me stay there ..BUt NooOOooOOOO I had to beg the judge to let him come back home ... Why because i was afraind of being on the street again ..and he was the bread winner .. Soooo I let him come home .. he was good for three months .. Perfect and doiting .... THEN bam ... he got drunk and beat my ass again .. i was black and blue all over. ..BUT he was smart this time and did it where no one would see it ... Then two more times this happened ... Finally On Nove 28th.2005 Nine months to the day were married.. I had had enough and called the police ... tossed him in jail again ..... for the last time ... It is over for good. .. I spent a few months alone in that apartment .. and THE depression came and possessed me again. This time I got the balls .. and I took a bottle of sleeping pills .. A cold shower .. and well MY cousin again came and saved my ass .... I stayed with her til Feb2006 When my BEst friend. We Will call her My Salavation... Came an brought me home... and there is where i am now ... Life is looking up .. I have been to teh docter and Thye say i have Bi Polar and will have to be on Meds for the rest of my life. BUT life is getting better .. I have my BOOTY Call ... So if i need it i call him .. and I have this guy I am talking to from Florida ... He is like a piee of myself that i had been missing .. I am not gunna rush into anything .. BUT life is getting better .. THEN WHAm ... she kicked me out and i again found myself alone and on the streets ... til again my cousin came and saved me ..sent me to Mio, Michigan to live with my dad .. 12 miles from the nearest town .. and 2 miles in the woods ... So you all see why i am not here ... as often as I would like. I recently was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown and a stroke. I hope after learning all the truth .. you all still want me around.
Love you all and thanks for listening
Angel/silence
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*huggers a girl*
We shall work on this as a family silence.
:-* ;)
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I remember gia. -smiles- No wonder you seemed so familiar to me!
There is no need to feel like you will be abandoned because you're just "too much work." Family is never too much work. You're just a work in progress - big difference!
You have had a rollercoaster life that most people would not be imagine unless they had gone through an abusive relationship, an additction, extreme poverty, or emotional distress. That just means that unless they can understand the life you have led, they have no right to judge.
Despite those who have abused you and let you down, it would seem that there has always been at least one family member to be your salvation. I hope your online family can be the same... and I wish you a speedy recovery!
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hugs you..
I understand what you are going through..
I also suffer from Bi Polar and major depression.... I have been through hell as well .. I have been in a mental hosp. for a Month..((they are not fun )) but I just thank god that when I was wanting to kill my self that I had friends that stop what they were doing and talk to me.. They are the ones that talk me into callling for help and stayed with me untill help got to me...
To this day.. I still t hank them.. one I have thank in person...I will get to the other 2 maybe at the gathering...
but if you need someone to talk to... i have good ears..and a big shoulder to lean on...
Like Master Rags said...you have lots of family here that loves you and we all will get through this togather..
leaves lots of hugs and loving....
Mistress has given me premission to give out my msn and all of that if you want it ...
flame
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wow. Just...wow. you are a stronger woman than I. that is for sure. we're all here for you if you need us, si.
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hon, hope you dont mind, sent you a PM....
just know...even though we've never met...
you have a friend if you want one
~snugs and slips back to the shadows~
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All of our paths are different.. yet in some ways similar.... here you will have a family of supportors.....we may butt heads like familys do..... but when it comes down to the fight.... we got each others backs.....just remember darlin..
roads are made for journeys.....and on journeys you learn, you grow, you evolve...... they are not made for destinations..... the journey brought you to us.
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I remember Miyako quite well. ;)
Life can indeed be a rollercoaster of bad choices and ... just plain bad ... but there are those good things that can never be taken away .. and you have to live and strive for those good things ..
I wish you the best in your journey.
~simply talena
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silence,
i care too
kiah/laura
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~ wipeing the tears from my eyes ~ Thank you all for your kind words and thank you for wanting me around. This is my only outlet since i have moved and do not have any friends. YOu will always be my Family.
Angel
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you have lots of friends here..leans over and hugs you tightly... all you need to remember is ask if you need to talk.. or vent..or even just need a shoulder to lean on. we are here to help...smiles at you and hands you a choloacte...
da flame
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Thank you flame I know ... - huggles-
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You are loved !
Try listening to this sweety...it always helps me...truely.
Sounds of Blackness - Hold On Change is Coming
you can get it in limewire.com
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thank you My heart Mistress ... I needed that -smiles and kisses - miss you muchly.
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even thought we have never met, i am your friend. i also battle the darkness, it looks for any small crack and then pries it open, and then a dark cloud forms over my brain, and i feel like i am trying to breathe through mud. Sometimes, the crack can be formed by an innocent comment made in fun, but the darkness uses that as an excuse to latch onto, and grow. Other times, it is a hopeless feeling, and all i want to do is sleep, because that passes the time. i am going through a dark place right now, some days are better than others, a lot of family issues. It is important to be kind to people, and not say anything hurtful, for Y/you never know what is going on in the life of the typist. I have seen things posted to the boards where people have become offended by things others say. There is enough ugliness going on in the world, lets not allow it to take hold here. This is my family, and i feel welcome and accepted here, and this is my escape from my sometimes crappy reality, and i know it can't always be fun, as a slave does not get to pick and chose what she does, but it should never be something that makes me not want to return, as some have done. i have also seen minor things blown out of proportion, so we all need to learn a bit of temperance. Ask Y/yourself, if this comment that i am about to post were directed at me, how would i feel?
i know that was a tangent from your orginal post, silence, but my comments just kind of ran together. Just know that you are not alone, others are where you are, we just can't see each other because it is so damn dark in here.......
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silence,
First things first, know that you've found a family in MTC...We stick together and fight for eachother and offer support and that stands for both rt and vt. There are many many wise people in this home who've experienced a lot and can offer good advice and are here if you need a shoulder to lean or cry on.
Now, that said, I would like you to look back on everything you wrote. dee couldn't be more right. you, as well as all of us, are a work in progress. Just LOOK how far you've come and what you've been through! I work in an emergency room in a rough part of town and I see homeless people and people who have a hard time, who drink, turn to drugs, chose to use to escape what they are going through...and then just give up all together. They aren't strong enough to survive that. To be honest, I can't say I would be strong enough to survive what you've been through. But you did. You were strong enough. That's something that you can and should hang on to...remember it often, especially when you're frustrated and upset because things aren't going well. You've made it through SO much, so now you know that you can make it. The only thing left to do is keep heading in the right direction.
Love and best wishes
Kendra/Sahara
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Just an update. ...
My boys were here for a week and it was the most wonderful week of my life. I can not wait til i get them back for good. Pray for me and them. We need it.
Still have not heard about my disablity or unemployment. Since my Dr's don't want me to work yet. I am still broke. But i have a roof over my head and food in my belly. That is all i need. Besides you my VT family.
The meds seem to be working for all my ailments. I seem to be in a better mood as of late due to the love of my family and friends here. You all have helped me so much to come out of the dark abyss that was my life and i thank and love you all more then you will ever know. You saved me from myself.
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:-* ;) :)
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CHOMP
:-* ;D ;)
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LOL ::) :D
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Takes a breath and decides to go through with this... silence, I can understand where you are coming from, there are many details about Me, that not only make Me who I am, but that I also try to keep from others because I have seen the gamut of reactions. I know the hell that is Bi-Polar 1, I also know the hell that is abuse. I grew up being abused.
I am sure that few out here knew, and that is exactly how I wanted it, though at the same time, I am sure that most found Me odd to be around at times, as I would go from one extreme to the other.
I know what it is like to make a friend at the workplace, and begin partying. I also know what it is like when one meets someone in the workplace and things feel as though they are falling into place. I have been through it a few times.
There are still more things that I could add to the list, but will not for the sake, of privacy out here. just know that you are loved, and there are some that know what you have experienced, all too well