Author Topic: a little laugh :-)  (Read 525643 times)

Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1245 on: June 14, 2015, 05:52:50 PM »
Heh heh heh...

Offline Mercilayne

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1246 on: June 14, 2015, 08:12:13 PM »
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1247 on: June 15, 2015, 09:41:40 AM »
And guess who walked home.

Offline RickBulow74

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1248 on: June 20, 2015, 05:23:39 PM »
Have you seen this??? This guy got a divorce and in order to comply with the court gave his ex exactly what she asked for....HALF OF EVERYTHING!! The pictures are nuts!!
There's a video at of him doing the cutting the link: https://youtu.be/ZHLg_9DGbSg
OOC - Rick


Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1249 on: June 20, 2015, 05:55:44 PM »
I like dat guy... *S*

Offline RickBulow74

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1250 on: June 22, 2015, 05:43:28 AM »
#OUCHTIME!

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
OOC - Rick


Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1251 on: June 22, 2015, 05:10:55 PM »
Fight hell... just shoot her.

Offline RickBulow74

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1252 on: July 02, 2015, 12:26:04 PM »
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome
cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
OOC - Rick


Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1253 on: July 02, 2015, 05:16:37 PM »
Shoot them both.

Offline Mercilayne

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1254 on: July 09, 2015, 07:35:07 PM »


Work...........this is for work!

Offline RickBulow74

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1255 on: July 12, 2015, 09:09:03 AM »
15 Year Old Boy Comes Home With A Porsche. This Is Gold.

A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money!?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?" they asked.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "Don't know her name -- they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my goodness!" moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she has sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
OOC - Rick


Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1256 on: July 13, 2015, 06:37:50 PM »
OWIES!!!!!

Offline RickBulow74

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1257 on: July 14, 2015, 04:17:13 PM »
In Trouble -- Again
Yesterday my wife asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.
She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the
guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined
a parachute club.
She said "are you nuts? You're 62 years old and you're going to start
jumping out of airplanes again?"
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "You idiot, where are your glasses! This is a
membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
I'm in trouble again and don't know what to do! I signed up for five
jumps a week!
OOC - Rick


Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1258 on: July 14, 2015, 05:11:52 PM »
Don't jump.




DIVE!!!!!
 ;D

Offline RickBulow74

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1259 on: July 18, 2015, 07:16:44 AM »
"Faith and begorrah,"

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.
He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
"Faith and begorrah," said the castaway,"that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink.
"Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that ya've got golf clubs in there, too!
OOC - Rick