a little laugh :-)

[RAGNAR]

Leave him on the island. There is no hope for him.

[RickBulow74]

Sex at 72
I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 72.
I'm so happy, because I live at number 70.
So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't have to cross the road!
Life is good!!!!

[RAGNAR]

If he is that stupid, mail him some instructions as well. All pictures.

[RickBulow74]

I Think You're The Father of One of My Kids...
' A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

[RAGNAR]

Epic fail.

Revoke his man-card and toss him some celery.

[RickBulow74]

Why Teachers DRINK
The following questions were set in last year's GED exam. THESE are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. How is dew formed.
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs .
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q... What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
(So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A.. Premature death.
Q. What is artificial insemination
A... When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A.. Keep it in the cow.
(Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie.
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A.. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(brilliant) .
Q. What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

[RAGNAR]

Pour them another while these idiots are shot. THEN SHOOT THEIR PARENTS FOR BREEDING!!!!!

[Mercilayne]

read these to my daughter........  she just facepalmed and groaned..

[RickBulow74]

Only at Home Depot
Lou was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his sister, Diane, if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
Diane agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet.
When the manager was finished, Diane asked him, "How much is that faucet?"
The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00.”
Diane exclaimed, "My goodness that is a very expensive faucet. It's certainly out of my price bracket."
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Lou had sent her to buy.
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.
From the storeroom the manager yelled. "Ma'am, do you wanna screw for the hinge?"
Diane paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet."
This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot

[RAGNAR]

Save the hinge and the faucet, send her to the street to earn her keep.

[Mercilayne]

[flame{NS}]

but they are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute  lol

[RAGNAR]

JDL

[RickBulow74]

Holy Prostitutes
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign
out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without
second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives
past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive... On the
far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to
the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the! Bell . The door is answered by a nun in
a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in
possibly doing business.....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and
tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the
door.. This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through
the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the
door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing
another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT,
YOU SINNER

[RAGNAR]

Hey man, Semtex is your friend.