a little laugh :-)

[RickBulow74]

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. Then she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William's Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."

The case was dismissed.

[RAGNAR]

LOL   

[RickBulow74]

Is sex Work?

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

The room fell silent.

God Bless the enlisted man.

[RAGNAR]

ROTFLMTAO!!!!! 

[RickBulow74]

Funny article I found pop up on my FB feed:

http://www.aol.com/article/2016/04/14/man-takes-sleeping-pills-accidentally-orders-a-yak-online/21344339/

[RAGNAR]

Chuckles...

[RickBulow74]

Frying Pan
A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asks.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains.
She looks satisfied and apologizes.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes to, he says, "What was that for?"
"YOUR HORSE PHONED!"

[RAGNAR]

LOL

"But honey, if Mr Ed could, why not Miss Marylou??!!!"


Yeah, I know. Am dating myself again. 

[Shadow duck]

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.


Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

[RAGNAR]

Eagwds....


 

[Sidona]

One day I got a call from a foreign number claiming to be Publisher's Clearing House with my prize of 3.5 million dollars and a 2015 Mercedes Benz. I played along for a little bit to see how the scam worked. Within the first 5 minutes, I asked the rep to confirm something for me.

The rep immediately groaned loudly in frustration, muted me for a moment and then hung up. Disappointed that I couldn't keep the conversation going, I went back to what I was doing before.

But then I got a call back from the original rep's supervisor. The supervisor asked what had happened during the first call, and I described in vivid detail all that had happened. I took 5 minutes to explain a 5 minute phone call. We talked about how to claim the prize, and he gave me several numbers that I would need later. I wrote them all down, then repeated them incorrectly. The supervisor confirmed that I had the numbers correct.

I told the supervisor that he wasn't very good at running a scam. "If you are going to give information, at least make it consistent. Otherwise your credibility is garbage."

He became irate and started yelling at me about how I was so stupid, and how he couldn't believe I was wasting his valuable time when all he was trying to do was give me money.

Ok, game on...

I kept him on the phone for 45 minutes getting him to explain what a birth certificate looks like, how to apply for a federal ID, how to take a bus to a Walmart in a random town I don't live in, how to fill out the transfer documentation, acceptable forms of payment, etc. etc.

I would often have him explain things over and over until he was yelling at me, then I would change the subject and get the conversation back "on course."

After 45 minutes, he told me he needed to do some paperwork and call me back in 30 minutes.

To my complete surprise, he called me 30 minutes later. He detailed the process for sending a payment, the information to give, etc. I kept repeating all the things I needed to do, getting at least one thing wrong each time. He would correct me, explain the process again, and then ask me to tell him what I was going to do. We did this for 20 minutes.

At this time, I started getting bored with the conversation about the transfer, and tried to change the subject to various other topics. I started asking about where he was calling from, what religion he was, etc. He told me that he was not a Christian, but he believed in God and attended a Baptist Church with his mom.

I started making ridiculous claims about how Baptists weren't Christians, but that I was glad he was one. He got really pissed off and started yelling at me. I calmed him down again by talking about the steps to the transfer.

Finally, I told him, "I don't really know how anyone who believes in God would believe that what you are doing is acceptable. You are defrauding people. You are literally stealing money from vulnerable people. I don't know how you can possibly justify that."

He began screaming "F*** you!" over and over at the top of his lungs for about 30 seconds, and then hung up the phone.

That was the most fun I've had all week.

[RAGNAR]

ROTFLMTAO!!!!!

[RickBulow74]

The Bridge
A man on his Harley was riding along on a California beach when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice,
God said to him, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all
ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said 'Lord, please build a bridge to
Hawaii so that I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would
take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for
worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that
could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God,
I wish that all men could understand women; I want to know how
she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's
wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I
can make a woman truly happy?'
*
*
*
God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?'

[RAGNAR]

LOL

[RickBulow74]

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, Your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in some key words And waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."