hair cuts....

[Fishy!]

As some of you may know My Mother-in-Law was diagnosed with cancer.

its not cureable... it may go into remission but it will never be fully gone.

She started her chemo wendsay. and today I cut her hair.

let me explain... she was advised by her doctors that she should cut her hair short so that she does not have to live through having her hair fall out as that is very depressing.

She has come to terms with the fact that she may die, she understands that, but she cannot fathom being bald.

so today in my kitchen I cut her hair, and we talked like mother and daughter should talked about the family, about some guy that was on the news for shooting two people, just generally chit-chatted. But something was diffrent, we talked about how my boyfirend and his dad (her ex-husband) were dealing with all of this.

I cant really understand the attachment she has to her hair... she had me put it in a pony tail and cut that off so she could keep the longer locks... Ive always liked having my hair short, hell the shorter the better, but here I was comforting a woman that was crying over her hair.

Then she so patienly explained, for her having long hair was a big part of her beauty, she loved to wear her hair loose, loved when she could get it to lay just so to frame her face and show off the beautiful shape of her face, she spends alot of time to make sure that her hair is well taken care of and that it shines and looks healthy... but then cancer hits, and its all so surreal, she said that it didnt feel real untill two days ago when she had more hair then normal in the brush after she did her hair.

she told me that only twice in her life did she get life altering news from doctors.

1. when she found out that she was pregnant, she was so happy that all she wanted to do was tell everyone that she knew.

2. when she was diagnosed with cancer, she wanted to throw up on the doctor and fell him to f*ck off.

So now my mother in law is sporting a new short 'do and I think it looks rather good on her.

And come payday Im gonna be sporting a new pixie-cut too!

so now all of you know whats up in my world.


I just want to thank everyone that has been supportive and has given me links to informational sites and all that, and especailly to everyone that has kept her and our family in their prayers. She also wanted me to thank everyone that has prayed for her.

and right before she left she said "prayers can move mountians, and love gets you through anything"

Shoko/Liz

[kelsey]

Shoko,

It's hard to understand the attachment to hair, any ahir, short or long when you have cancer...for some it could be part of a definition of self...for others, the loss of hair signlas to the world that you are sick......or to yourself.....maybe you can deny the illness, until the hair fals out.....it can be a huge reality check..

FYI, get her a satin pillowcase....the scalp is very sensitive since it is usually covered by hair and not exposed to day to day elements like other areas of the skin....even the softest cotton can get extremely irritating.

*leaves you a great big hug*

Kels

[prism {*RgR*1*}]

Shoko..

When my mom had cancer, she had to have a double mastectomy and chemo and radiation and her hair fell out too.. She was more worried about the surgery messing up her elephant tattoo than about her hair, but you know, when the hair loss came, she didn't bother with wigs.. she just went around bald.

I think I never saw a stronger, more durable, more faith-filled woman than I did when I saw her cute little bald head bobbing around a room.

When the chemo was over, all she asked God for was that he give her back curly hair.. She didn't care if it came back red like it had always been, or if it came back brown or green or white.. as long as it was still curly.. She had had curly hair all her life and just explained to Him that she didn't know how to take care of straight hair and was too old to learn.

Today, my mom has her curly hair, in shades of reds and white and greys  (she says I gave her the grey part)... and she is okay.. and her faith in God is as strong as ever.

Tell your mother in law that I am keeping her in my thoughts and prayers.. and that bald does look cute, look how well babies pull it off.. .. *hugs*

[RAGNAR]

The thoughts and prayers continue sis.

*Huggers*

[rep]

thank you for sharing Mistress...my thoughts are with you and your family...kiah

[jasmine]

Mistress:

I cared for my own mother when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  By the time it was discovered it was already in the advanced stage.  She went through chemo and yes she lost her hair, I had always kept it short and permed curly for her.  Be sure to check your local hospice group, as they have just about everything the cancer patient needs in the way of wheelchairs, hospital beds, all the way to wigs.  Yes, they even have wigs and give them to those patients that desire something during chemo.

Our family has taken care of all four parents, three of which died of cancer.  My father-in-law of pancriatic cancer, my mother of ovarian cancer and my father of brain cancer and alzheimers.  OOCly, if you EVER need someone to talk to, who knows the emotional roller coaster a family dealing with a terminal disease is on, I'm here.

You and Yours are in my thoughts and most heartfelt prayers.

Gentle hugs
jasmine

[Nexhias]

Let me just toss something out here.  *S*

Bald is beautiful.  A bald woman signifies a fighting woman-- because she refuses to give in, or give up.  Her beauty is no longer defined by her hair-- but rather her strength of will.  

Perhaps for your mother, keeping her hair is a token of a battle not only fought, but a battle won in the end.  That is certainly my hope for her.

My prayers are with you and your mother.  

-Hugs-

[Savage]

*hugs* My prayers are with you and yours. I myself have lost a number of relatives to cancer but have had others survive it.

- Savage/James

[sinnocent]

I lost my mother to cancer a few years ago, it was very hard to watch her struggle and lose the fight, it was mixed emotions when after  a very long battle she died, but till the end she was beautiful, even bald... my thoughts and prayers to you

[flame{NS}]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.. i know the road is a bumpy one to follow... but i feel like anyone can go down it with strong will as i know your Mother in law has (from your writtings) SHe is a fighter...bald is Beautiful...

 both of my parents had cancer so i have been down that road with each of them..i am here if you need to talk..

hugs and kisses


flame

[Shylina Marie]

Shoko,

 The only experience I can offer is a one from a survivor.  between 1986 and 1992  I endured 167 biopsys, every lazer, leep, cryo, medication, you name it we tryed it procedure.   and on August 25th I was scheduled for yet another leep procedure.  I had already undergone sterilization per command by the military because they knew another pregnancy that both I and the baby would be lost.  the days leading up to the 25th had me sitting in Jones Institute, Virginia Beach hospital, Portsmouth Naval Hospital and doing a ton of research at every point I could get my hands on.. Cervical cancer only had a 36 percent cure rate.  So I had to make a decision.  keep a uterus inside my body that would never again bear children.... or get ride of it and give myself a chance at seeing my son and daughter both grow up and get married and perhaps even one day be able to sit on my own porch saying " No and stop that...... and where it your mother or your father".  armed with this piled.... ( 6 file folders stuffed, a 4 inch three ring binder stuffed and more photo copies than we want to discuss).  I walked into that office and when the nurse said lets get you prepped  I said NO....... get him... get my files... we need to talk..... and we did..... He came in and sat down with me and said ok Tina whats up..  and I stared at him  and said flatly. " Why are we prolonging the inevitable?  You know what in truth has to happen and so do I... I want my life back... I want to see my kids grow up...." He asked me if I was sure... and my reply was that I was never more sure of anything in my life.  So instead of having what would have been another painful procedure done.  I was rescheduled for a partial hysterectomy where the entire area and surround tissues of my cervix would be removed.   Oct 8th, I got through that surgery... and what they didn't tell me was that when everything got out.... I looked like stage 4.... end stage.... so we started immediantly a radical course of chemo and radiation.   several weeks later the pathology came back.... and I was still technically pre stage.  Dr Segna gave me the option of stopping the chemo and just watching what would happen or continuing....so we could make sure there were no new cells.... I did the full run.....

I cut my hair prior to surgery... and then my hair dresser cut it again ..... I've always had shoulder length or longer hair.  in fact I was that girl that wore the bib overalls with the flannel shirt and ball cap to school.... and lived with that hair in a pony tail.   to see it have to be removed down to a very short length... was crushing... but necessary... cutting it shorter and putting something slick...on that pillow will make it easier and can cause that hair from coming loose at the root. we didn't use satin pillow cases..... we used double lined slips.. the kind you would wear under your skirt... half slips...  and to keep my hair protected I only washed it once every four days...and you don't scrub the head... just light wash and rinse... don't blow dry.. very little towel dry.. don't aggravate that folical...  I lost a decent strip of hair and had some thinning but I did not go bald..and according to my husband ... my hair to date is still like horse mane... ( SHUSH RAGS).   I will lift her in prayer..because I know they said I didn't have good odds.... but you know... I am a firm believer in miracles... they are everywhere around us. 

Shy

[Fishy!]

Thanks E/everyone that is lending me your ears and sholders and nice words....

I found out something today... My hair is just long enough to cut and give to "locks of love" they make real hair wigs for kids with cancer... I told my mother in law about it and she is estatic...

Just thought I would share something that made her smile.

*big hugs all around*

Shy and Kels: I have passed on your information.

*leaves the basket full of love that my Mommie said to pass on to everyone*

[Fishy!]

I finally did it!!!

I will post pictures asap!!!!

I donated 13 inches to locks of love! *grumbles* I didnt know I had that much hair to begin with...

M-I-L is excited and wanted to thank all of you for your advice and support!

*runs out to show my BF hoping that he dont yell at me*

[Raziel]

Awesome Sis.  Keep up the positive outlook and let your mother-in-law know, that what makes her beautiful, isn't necessarily the shine of her hair but the shine of her smile and not necessarily the beauty of her lockes, but the beauty of her personality, not the fullness of its length but the fulfillment during the length of her life, and not what is gone after the cut, but what remains because of strength.  Her true beauty is her perseverance to be here and fight on, and being a role model, because she is.

Raz

[RAGNAR]

Awesome Sis.  Keep up the positive outlook and let your mother-in-law know, that what makes her beautiful, isn't necessarily the shine of her hair but the shine of her smile and not necessarily the beauty of her lockes, but the beauty of her personality, not the fullness of its length but the fulfillment during the length of her life, and not what is gone after the cut, but what remains because of strength.  Her true beauty is her perseverance to be here and fight on, and being a role model, because she is.

Raz

My True has said it better than I ever could.