Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for
a fire truck. Please, I really really want a
fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while
you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have
more fuckin' fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
- Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still
having with the babysitter? He's banging her like
a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you
some nice Lincoln Logs instead.
- Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer
fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a
bottle of Bud and a couple of Enchiladas!
-Santa
