...Having my usual challenging evening...my Mother will be going to bed, soon.
...She is very alert, but at this time of the evening, she likes to tease me. She reminds me of things I did as a child...(I mean, we ALL do stupid things as children). I get tempted to tease her back, but don't. She is old, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I am happy when she comments that she is grateful that I am living with her. So, I am just drinking my tea, and will get to bed in a while.
...But, part of me wants to get out, live life, and perhaps attract a man. I couldn't bring him home, my mother made it clear that I can't bring home a 'boyfriend'. But, she would have to accept if I said that we had gotten married. But, we would have to live elsewhere, and I would be worried. Once, she was calling my name, and she was laying down in the living room. I asked her what had happened, and she just said that she was tired. I helped her up, and got her settled down.
...So, I will stay with her, she keeps saying that the house is mine. I just nod, only her name is on the title, and when the time comes, my brother and I will have an equal share. He has said that I can live in it, he is rich, and I have coin in the bank. So, I guess that I can put on my red dress, and haul a young hunk back for a night. (Just kidding...the only man I have ever had sex with was my Ex.)
...Life is so challenging, and interesting. I have experienced youth, going to college, attracting a man, bearing and raising children, having a profession, performing music...and when I spent two weeks, alone, hiking Mt Lassen. The Rangers told me not to go into a certain area, especially since I was alone...but I did. I walked along the thermals, smelling sulfur, but got to a lake, stripped, and bathed. I did stop at campsites, and checked in with the Rangers, so they knew that I was alive. I would sit at a table, alone, and eat a can of spam, or some other crappy food I had in my pack. Children would stare at me...and I would glare and growl.
I was the forest 'wild woman', and I played the part to them. One young girl actually came up to me, and offered me a bisquit. I could see her parents closely watching, and I thanked her, and ate it. I then headed back into the forest, my pack on my back.
...I was a total mess when I finished, I had lost weight, and had scratches all over my face and body, and my hair was a mess.
...I couldn't do that again, I am older, and not in good shape.
