((If this one may be so indulged, she thought to take a few moments... as both aisling and as Connie))
It has come to pass that this one has shared a few anniversaries as of late--and thought to take a moment to reflect upon her time spent on Gor.
aisling has watched, learned, failed, feared, traveled, loved, lost, and lastly pulled away.
There's been friends, and foes... trusts and animosities (is that a word?)
It is amazing to think that just a little over a year ago, this one found her way into the world of Gor... into the world of Tuchuk. For better or worse (more often worse where aisling is concerned) she has been of this home. she made many mistakes this year. Acted in ways she is not proud of, behaved in ways that should have gotten her whipped or worse...Upon reflection, this all comes to great shame to aisling; it is embarrassing to think of some of the ways she's behaved and freckled cheeks burn hotly thinking of them.
As Connie--aisling is as much of me as my red hair. I knew not many ways to separate both her and I . In such, the ways Ive behaved were horrible in a lot of areas. I would like to claim ignorance as it all being new, but that I do realize, would be the easy way out. I am one who lives to learn from mistakes and one who seeks out the experiences of most things.
I'm not one of the types to share my lifes story, of my daily happenings and the many reasons I would not be in Camp but.... *sighs*
I pulled away from Camp for...personal reasons...that some know about and some do not. It is of no consequence now what those reasons are. It is in the past. I held accountable some of Camp for reasons that were mine own to handle and to take care of. The ways I handled them were done poorly. In short, my own behavior was quite immature.
My apologies to any and to all, are overflowing and sincere.
That though this post is highly out of character for both aisling and Connie... i needed to write it all the same.
There is a need in me--one that Gor fulfills when I actually allow Gor to fill it.
Having pulled away, the rift is there still and it only hurts more now because it is me and me alone who put it there.
I ask for nothing; expect nothing. But choose to compose this for a few reasons:
I hope to think I have changed; that I may (and that aisling may) have grown and grown up.
To offer an apology for my poor behaviors.
To immerse myself into a new beginning where a better slave comes out of it; a slave who can do her Owner proud and the home she is part of proud.
I hope, as aisling and Connie move along the path of Gor... that what happened in the past, stays in the past and what is yet to come...comes as a new beginning. So that in another year, the time of relfection is spent mostly on how to better an already adequate slave and not one fixing a broken one...
My many thanks for listening to the ramble...
