there is no honorable way for a slave to leave gor. the first time I tried to leave here, 'round february i think, i had asked Rags to shelve my character. The request was denied and an arguement ensued which included him accusing me of pretending to care about him only to gain his collar and me in turn telling him to go to hell. I left, later apologized and he invited me back. I tried but i never got over those words of his. So those who think i left because i never earned his collar so be it but that is not my truth. I never got over his words, deserved at the time perhaps, but completely untrue. Ultimately they should have made me stronger, but i retreated, probably felt sorry for myself, but definitely put up walls and really never regained my will to r/p again.
i would like you to know i have found true joy in service and beauty in myself in the past. i served Sir for four years and are just friends now. i learned to love myself, my body, get in touch with the soft and sweet feminine side, while delving deep into the darker needs as well. accomodations were easily made for me, like not kneeling for long periods of time but finding other submissive positions. there are no limits to my submissions just because i am obese. my Owners over the years have judged my submission by my heart and only that and i could never serve One whom didnt. so while i have present issues in giving up control to someone because of linging hurt, i also had the problem in the back of my mind of r/p'ng some tiny perfect slave in gor. it just wasn't real enough for me and i come online to get as real as i can get it since my r/t is limited to such experiences. maybe it's just my heavy bdsm background, maybe its just me, maybe i'll never know...
i dont understand why some seem to take it personally that i didnt wish to r/p anymore. i could have stayed, did a chore once a week, r/p once a month, but that would not have been true to myself or your family or the spirit of Gor. my questions/posts on the board were about learning, not about attention, trying to understand and i always said maybe i just didnt get it. maybe i took it too seriously or myself too seriously but in the end i did find it in my own best interest to leave. i didnt give up, i just moved on, not to chat somewhere else, just to find my own peace and find closure with this part in my life. for those happy i left so be it. for those i considered my friends, i wish you good health and happiness. i did not leave in a hissy fit or with hatred. i am left with what you left me.
by the way, i like roamans.com and junonia.com..
the typist behind kiah
