Samantha Emeris- Diary

[~Samantha Emeris~]

Dear Diary,
          I met with my informant last night at Four Seasons and he gave me the name of the man who gave Shane the drug. I had to give him two hundred dollars, but it was well worth it for the information I recieved. I then went to confirm this information with Shane, whom I was told was in the NYPD station. But, when I went to the station they told me he wasn't there....So....Where is he? I have concluded that Barb, Dennis, and Mr. Farina are either lying to me, or they are hiding something...Perhaps even both... I returned to the Four Seasons frustrated and confused, where I met up with Eoin Ryan. Don't even get me started. What a Jerk. He was absolutly no help. Thing is though, now I am scared. I want to find this Joseph Alnarshi, but I really don't want to go alone. I can't ask Dennis, Barb, or Mr. Farina...they are all connected somehow and I know they will be firmly against it...
          Anyway, then tonight I went to the Four Seasons again. I thought about the Shane thing all day...I needed to get good and Drunk. I think I succeeded....The pages are blurring together a little bit. I need to go to bed....

*Slumps unto her pillow, and closes her eyes. Confusion fogging her head as she sleeps. *

[~Samantha Emeris~]

Dear Diary,
    Good news and bad news. Last nights performance was a smashing sucess. Now I know why my mother told me that I was a good singer, I obviously was, if last night was any indication. i was so good, in fact, that Mr. Farina offered me a one year contract! He said that I will perform on Mondays and Tuesdays and then i will open for the big stars on Saturdays! He said that One day I may be one of them! Me? A big Star? Can you imagine?!
     That was the good news....The bad news is that Mr. Farina approached me about Finding Shane. He said at first that Shane had died the night I was taken to the hospital. I asked him if that was the case, then why did he lie to me and tell me that Shane was in Jail. He didn't answer me but instead told me that Shane was convinced to leave the city. When I tried to get him to give me more information he told me that the less I know, the less trouble I will get into...I am very suspicious now. I let it go...For now. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him. However, I am going to have to be a bit sneakier if I am going to go spying in the future. After all, If he found out about my snooping this time, Whats to prevent him from finding out next time?
       And I am going to...Find out. Barb, Denny, and Mr. Farina aren't....well....right...They are hiding something and, dammit, I am going to find out what!

*Shivering at the adreneline pumping throught her body, she closes her Diary and lays down on her bed, closing her eyes. Maybe a little nap before work will be nice....*

[~Samantha Emeris~]

Dear Diary,
       I’ve been kidnapped!!!
       So, on Tuesday night, after I had performed one of my songs, I saw the news. Shane’s body was found washed up on shore! When I heard Chris Meloni was on the case, I got freaked. Chris Meloni was the man I had met at the coffee shop shortly after practically selling my soul to Joseph.
       The thing is, on my way out of the Four, I saw Chris Meloni! Naturally, I bolted like a bat out of hell, and sure enough, his cop instinct made him chase me. I went around in circle, through a few alleys, and even straight through traffic, trying to loose him, but he caught me when I went down a dark alley and ran smack into a brick wall. Trying to get me away from the drunken man that was in the alley I had run into, Chris dragged me, and I mean dragged, to the coffee shop. He told me that he wanted to make sure I really worked at the Four and asked me to show him some ID I, very very pissed, showed him my I.D. Being on the Shane King case, he immediately recognized my name as the woman who had come to the fifth precinct looking for Shane a few weeks ago. I was immediately taken in for questioning.
        After calling Diego, and receiving a lawyer in a matter of minutes, I was taken to a cell, where I spent the evening. The next day, I was asked a few more questions, mostly about the drug dealer. I lied to them and told them that i didn’t know who it was and I was soon realeased only after identifying the body as Shane. (An experience I would gladly not repeat.)
         As soon as I walked out of the precinct, and got into a cab, Joseph got in on the other side. He had been across the street waiting for me. He told the driver where to take us and then shut the driver up with a hundred dollars for a twenty dollar ride. The driver was told that he never saw us. We then went inside a warehouse that Joseph told me, is my new home!!!
         So, here I am, and I am bound and determined to either escape, or find a fucking phone!!!

*Closes the diary, and hides it in her purse.*

[~Samantha Emeris~]

Dear Diary,
     Alot has happened since I wrote last. I just haven't had the time.
     Where to start? I escaped Joseph, thanks to help from (You'd never expect) Eoin. On the way to take me to the precinct, though, I had what the doctor called a severe anxiety attack. Eoin, despite my protests, took me to the ER, where I stayed for about four days.
      When I returned to work, I confronted Diego about the Murder of Shane. He swears up and down that he knows nothing. I know he is lieing, but, he pays my bills, so I am going to let it go. Besides, I gotta say, I'm not entirely unhappy that Shane is gone.
       I met a man, the next day. He said his name was Eric Shepard. He convinced me to go out for coffee with him and I did. When we had a really good time, I gave him my phone number. He called the very next day and  asked me to go out to the movies and to dinner with him. We've been dating for about a week...
       Until Last night. I made a stupid little dig on Diego in the Four, but when he and Tammi started whispering furiously and glancing at me, I freaked. I hadn't taken my anxiety medication, so I asked Eric to get me out of there. He went back into the building, and when he returned, he sped off in a direction that my home was not. I questioned him for a while, but he would not tell me where we were going. Finally, he did a U-turn and then pulled over about twenty feet from Central Park. He explained to me...He told me that he was just one of Josephs thugs. Joseph hired him to come to me, date me, earn my trust, then bring me to him. Eric told me he couldn't do that. He told me he was falling in love with me...I thought I was too, but...How can i love someone I cannot trust? I'm so heartbroken...I've never felt this kind of pain before. I just want to curl into a ball and Die.
      I got out of the car and when Eric pulled away, I walked over to some trees and sat down. I pulled out my cell and called Chris Meloni. He didn't ask any questions, because I was still crying when he picked me up. I asked that He just take me home. He said okay. I am not singing tonight...I...I just can't...Chris is going to return to my home this evening because I told him I know the whereabouts of Joseph...
      I just....I don't know where to go now...I thought I had finally found someone...I thought wrong....
 
    *Closes the diary with a sob and pulls the blanket over her head to cry some more.*

[~Samantha Emeris~]

*Opens the Diary and pauses, frowning at the pages. She picks up the pen and begins to write.*

Dear Diary,
     Chris Meloni came to me last night to ask for the whereabouts of Joseph. I was actually surprised that he didn't ask me where I got my information from. I told him what Eric told me. About how Joseph was on a houseboat on the East River. He said that they'll find him, and made me promise not to run off myself to find him. Like I would after last time...No, I'm done with men for a while. Shane, Joseph, Eric....Men are pigs. The only man in my life from here on out, will be Devin. I need to stay away from relationships. They are overrated. Shane gave me Devin, so he's really the only one I am slightly grateful to. But, Shane, Joseph, Eric...they were all using me for something. Shane used me for sex, Joseph used me for his stupid drug, and Eric used me for his job.
       He told me he was sorry...and he DID end up not taking me to Joseph....I've got to give him that...but...I don't know. I'm just so confused....
      I need a friends right now...I think I'll call someone....but...I don't know who yet...

[~Samantha Emeris~]

Dear Diary,
     The last several days have been blurs...Strange depressing blurs. Eric tried to call me several times...I am ignoring him. Devin came down with the 24 hour bug that has been going around on thursday night. He is alright now. It was hell, to take care of him, he was in so much pain, but it kept my mind off of the last couple of days and what happened with Eric....I just...It's still really hard, but I am slowly getting over it.
     I am going to work tonight, though. I plan to sing...It just...won't be a very happy song. The song the other night was meant for Eric because I was falling in love with him. Unfortunantly, The was crushed under the heel of Josephs control...I don't know what I am going to do...Or how I am going to forget him...God, someone help me...Please...


*With a heavy sigh, and an even heavier heart, she closes the Diary and takes out her songbook to write music and lyrics for tonights song. *

[~Samantha Emeris~]

Opens her diary, reads the last few posts hoping for a clue.

Dear Diary,
     It's true. Eric really...died on my living room floor. Rachel and I had a conversation at the Four the other night where she told me about what happened to...Eric. I thought she was making it up, as a joke, but when it failed to amuse me, she gave me a card for a shrink, and I left.
      The next day I played a small role in her play, "Will and Grace." It was alot of fun...
      However, when I returned to the Four I found out Rachel had discussed with Diego the story that I thought she had made up. He told me that until I recieved some help, that I was not to sing at the Four Seasons! Naturally, I was pissed. But, I went to the shrink anyway.
      The first night I met with her it seemed as if she believed me that they were making this up, but when I met with her yesterday, and might I add, for the final time, she told me the story in detail....and...I must say it sparked some memories.
      But...when I came home today, and opened my Diary for some clues....here it is, as plain as day...I was dating Eric....the death...his death...I don't remember it, but I will. I know that it'll come back to me.
      I had a dream last night. Eric was standing in my living room, a hole in his chest, and I was yelling at him for bleeding on my floor. Am I going crazy? I need to talk to someone. Not a shrink...but...a friend...and god knows, I don't have many of those, so it has to be someone I wont scare off. But who?

Closes the diary and puts it under her bed.