i have never been corrected here, but i know i will be. i am not perfect and do not claim to be. i only claim to be me and i know that i have things to learn.
that said, it hurts. being corrected hurts. even done privately it stings and brings a bitter taste to my mouth. why? because i AM a slave. i seek to please in all ways. i look to myself and see things inside that make me realize that i want to please You. i don't want to be frowned upon because it makes me feel unworthy. it makes me feel like some how i am unclean. sometimes i wonder if it is worse to be kneeling on the ground with my back and butt displayed, to be whipped and then sent off to the cages, soon to be forgotten by the One who did the whipping. because out of sight, out of mind perhaps. but being under Your eyes, after doing wrong, You see me and my mistakes. You see the shame written all over me and even in my posture. i am dirty, i am not pleasing to Your eye. i also seek to be a good example to my fellow slaves. how can i be when i am making mistakes? how can i help new ones to learn anything when i myself cant do what i have been taught correctly? my own thoughts make me hurt, when i realize i have misbehaved. i am like a child in some ways, my human nature makes me want to rebel. but i am a grown woman and i must think about You not as a parent, but as a teacher, and as a Free. i must set aside my childish feelings of rebelion and act as a slave should. grateful that i am being taught the right way so that i might bring honor to the clan. do not feel sorry for me when i am punished, do not console me when i have been whipped. yes, it hurts, but i will learn from it and do better next time.
i will always come to You and tell You if i think i have done something wrong. why? because i am honorable. because i Am a slave.
