a little laugh :-)

[Thalia]

That's so bad. -groans-

[ariella {*Arlon*}]

As promised to Master Ubar, based on the events of last night, my father/daughter shotgun joke:

A farmer had 3 daughters of dating age, and they all had a date on the same night. The first boy was met at the front porch with a shotgun, and the boy said "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here for Betty, we are going out to eat spaghetti, is she ready?

The farmer thought he looked harmless enough so he lowered his gun and let them leave.

A little while later, another boy pulls up, and approaches, and he is met with the shotgun as well. The boy says "Hi, my name is Joe, I am here for Flo, we are going to the show, can she go?" And the farmer thought he looked harmless enough, so he lowered the gun and let them leave.

Finally, the last boy pulls up, and says "Hi, my name is Chuck,,,

and the farmer shot him.

[familure{TD}]

~sneaks this up...and scrams fast, laughing~

Masters Phoenix Night, Ubar, and Redbeard were sitting round the fires one night, unwinding, talking of raids and such, while drinking paga. As the newest bowls were served up, and the Three were about to begin the next round, when three flies land in the pungent liquid.

Master Phoenix, growled in disgust, and threw His paga into the fires...

Master Ubar, fishes out the fly, and downs the paga, as if nothing happened...

Master Redbeard also picks the fly out of His tasty beverage, but then holds it over the paga, yelling..."Spit it out! Spit it out ya bastard!!!"

[Thalia]

omg, I can so see that happening!

[prism {*RgR*1*}]

~lmao~ me too, deeelicious! .. me too!!

[RAGNAR]

As promised to Master Ubar, based on the events of last night, my father/daughter shotgun joke:

A farmer had 3 daughters of dating age, and they all had a date on the same night. The first boy was met at the front porch with a shotgun, and the boy said "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here for Betty, we are going out to eat spaghetti, is she ready?

The farmer thought he looked harmless enough so he lowered his gun and let them leave.

A little while later, another boy pulls up, and approaches, and he is met with the shotgun as well. The boy says "Hi, my name is Joe, I am here for Flo, we are going to the show, can she go?" And the farmer thought he looked harmless enough, so he lowered the gun and let them leave.

Finally, the last boy pulls up, and says "Hi, my name is Chuck,,,

and the farmer shot him.

I like this farmer's style!!! LOL

[RAGNAR]

~sneaks this up...and scrams fast, laughing~

Masters Phoenix Night, Ubar, and Redbeard were sitting round the fires one night, unwinding, talking of raids and such, while drinking paga. As the newest bowls were served up, and the Three were about to begin the next round, when three flies land in the pungent liquid.

Master Phoenix, growled in disgust, and threw His paga into the fires...

Master Ubar, fishes out the fly, and downs the paga, as if nothing happened...

Master Redbeard also picks the fly out of His tasty beverage, but then holds it over the paga, yelling..."Spit it out! Spit it out ya bastard!!!"

LOL yuppers.... just another night in Tuchuk!!!

[Sidona]

OMG! Thats so what RB would do!

[Jay]

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido .. "What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor .
 
"Not a chance", she said . "He won't even take an aspirin" ..

"Not a problem", replied the doctor . "Give him! an "Irish Viagra" . It's  when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee . He won't even taste it . Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress . The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate . He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop!  It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?

"Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in that Starbucks again!"

[flame{NS}]

that was just so cute Master... runs off giggling

[familure{TD}]

~bol~
now that...was funny


and ummm...this is something i found, that just me, well...giggle~


Interview with the Easter Bunny



EASTER BUNNY CHAT

With the possible exception of Santa Claus himself, there is not a busier mammal on the face of the earth than the Easter Bunny. Once a year, the Easter Bunny hops into the home of hundreds of millions of boys and girls all over the globe, dropping off chocolates, candy and eggs as part of the celebration of Easter.
America Online spent a few minutes with the Easter Bunny as he was preparing for this year's task, for a tell-all, no-holds-barred interview. If you thought you knew the Easter Bunny, you just may be surprised.

America Online: Thanks for talking to us.

Easter Bunny: No problem. Do you mind if I eat while we talk? [takes out a packet of small green pellets] I've been in a rush recently.

AOL: Go right ahead. We've got a list of questions here, compiled from our members, and I'll just go down the list if you don't mind.

EB: Ready when you are.

AOL: The first question comes from Ted, in Dayton, Ohio. He writes: "We all know that Santa's Workshop is located at the North Pole. Does the Easter Bunny have a workshop, and if so, where is it located?"

EB: Well, Ted, the answer is yes, I do have a workshop. It's located in San Bernardino, California.

AOL: San Bernardino?

EB: That's right.

AOL: You have to understand that most people would have figured some place like Easter Island.

EB: Have you *been* to Easter Island? What a rock! It's the single most isolated piece of land on the planet. By the time we shipped fresh eggs there, we'd have chickens. Besides, San Bernardino has the sort of motivated labor pool we need.

AOL: Elves?

EB: Laid-off aerospace workers.

AOL: They would seem to be a little overqualified.

EB: Maybe. But now we have some lovely chocolate stealth bombers.

AOL: Our next question comes from Cindy, in Tempe. She writes: "Why is the Easter Bunny a bunny? Why couldn't it have been the Easter Kitty or the Easter Puppy?"

EB: That's a very good question. In fact, in the late 70s, we as an organization decided to play around with the whole "bunny" thing by recruiting prominent local animals to deliver Easter baskets. In 1978, when the experiment was at its height, we had an Easter Bunny, an Easter Coyote, an Easter Manatee and an Easter Komodo Dragon.

AOL: What happened?

EB: It just didn't work out. The Komodo dragon ate the eggs, the coyote just flaked out, and the manatee, if I may say so, was just about as dumb as a stick.
There were some other problems with the program, too. The less we talk about the whole Easter Man-Eating Bengali Swamp Tiger episode, the better. Now we stick with bunnies. We know bunnies. We can work with bunnies. Bunnies don't eat anyone.

AOL: Bob in Honolulu asks: "Is there is just one Easter Bunny? Moreover, has the same Easter Bunny been the Easter Bunny for the last couple of millennia?"

EB: The fact of the matter is that there are quite a few Easter Bunnies, and we've never made a secret about that. Unlike the Santa Claus operation, which works under the improbable assumption that one guy delivers all those presents -

AOL: Are you saying that Santa is a sham?

EB: I didn't say that. I never said that. What I am saying is that *we* don't work under the same sort of constraints. I mean, think about it. One bunny delivering baskets to several hundred million homes across the planet? The friction from the atmosphere alone would turn the poor guy into a bunny briquette. There'd be hideous charcoal smudges all over the baskets. "Easter Bunny" is a job description, not a proper name. It's like "Postal Carrier,"
except our employees very rarely become disgruntled.

AOL: So why are you THE Easter Bunny?

EB: Because I'm boss. You're not an Easter Bunny until I say you are.

AOL: How does one become an Easter Bunny?

EB: Well, it's not just hopping down the bunny trail, I'll tell you. First, for reasons already explained, you have to be a bunny. After that, we have a psychological evaluation and a battery of physical tests you have to pass.
We
can't afford to have an Easter Bunny cramp up at the beginning of his run.

AOL: Any famous rabbits turned down for the job?

EB: I don't want to name names. But one bunny who's making a living in the breakfast cereal industry, we had to let go. Any time a child would try to get an Easter basket from him, he'd back away and start snarling. He was a silly rabbit. Easter baskets are for kids.

AOL: He seems to have gotten better since then.

EB: Prozac helps.

AOL: Albert from Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, wants to know what the occupational hazards of being the Easter Bunny are.

EB: There are several. Large dogs are always a problem, of course: one moment you're delivering a basket of goodies, the next, a rottweiler named Pinochet is on you like a meat-filled sock. Nervous homeowners with guns wing a couple of bunnies a year, as do edgy cops and private security guards. We don't even bother trying to deliver to the children of militia members anymore; first they'll plug you for being on their land, then they'll make you into jerky and a pair of gloves. But you know what our number one problem is?

AOL: What?

EB: Sliding glass doors. Sometimes we'll just forget they're there. Man, that's embarrassing.

AOL: Here's an interesting question, from Amy, in New York City. She writes:
"How does the Easter Bunny get along with Santa Claus? It seems like Santa gets all the attention." And I have to say, I did notice some tension earlier, when you brought him up.

EB (looking uncomfortable): Well, you know, look. I don't want to say anything bad about the guy. He does what he does, and I do what I do. Professionally, we get along fine.

AOL: But privately?

EB: Is that tape recorder turned off?

AOL: Uh...sure.

EB: He's a big ol' pain in this bunny's bottom. For one thing, he's a prima
donna: always me, me, me, where's my hot tea, where's my corned beef sandwich, tell this dumb bunny to get his own dressing room. I'd rather be trapped in a sack with Joan Crawford. For another, he's totally paranoid of other large men.
He thinks that Luciano Pavarotti is trying to move into his territory. Last year it was John Goodman. He actually danced when Orson Welles kicked, waving his pistol and bellowing "Rosebud!" from the top of his lungs.

AOL: Wow. He seems a little scary.

EB: You think? And yet he gets all the publicity. Why? We do the same job.
Mine's actually tougher, since I'm moving perishable stuff. You can't have bad eggs or stale chocolate, you know. Folks wouldn't stand for it. I have to maintain strict quality control. The only food product he has to worry about is fruitcake. You could tile the Space Shuttle with fruitcake.

AOL: We're sure you have your own fans.

EB: It's like opening for the Beatles, is all. And he *is* the walrus, if you know what I mean.

AOL: One final question, from Pat, in Rockford, Illinois; "Does the Easter Bunny actually lay eggs? How does that happen, since the Easter Bunny is both male and a mammal?"

EB: Well, platypuses are mammals, and they lay eggs. So it's not impossible.

AOL: That still leaves the male part.

EB: We're quibbling on details, here.

AOL: Maybe there should be an Easter Platypus.

EB: Sorry. We tried that in '79.

[Jay]

LMTAO

and Holy shit! I used to live in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. heh

[pleasure{MTC}]

an email i received today


SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?


"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.   (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)
                                 

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
                       

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".  (Are you doubting this?)
                                       

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
                           

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)
                             
 
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.)

                         


There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.    (You're not doubting this, are you?)
                                                                   

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u)
                                                                   

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)
                                                 

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
                                   

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.  (Some days that's about what my memory span is)
                                                   

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
                           

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
                                           


A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)
                                                                 

Almonds are a member of the peach family.
                                 

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
                                 

Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
                               

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
                                 

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
                             

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
                 
 
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
                               

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
               

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
                           

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
                                   

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
                                                 

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)
                                             
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
                       

There are more chickens than people in the world.
                                 
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
                             

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
                             
Now you know everything!

[pleasure{MTC}]

*posts this quick and runs like BERAT is chasing her*


Dublin Ballerina



A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in
Dublin.

She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed
to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy
a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the
end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter
and bellowed;

"Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them,

revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked "What man here will buy a
lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and
said,

"Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Murphy,
it's your

business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep
calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to
be a ballerina!"

[pleasure{MTC}]

THE DIVORCE LETTER...
>
>
Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you for good...!!!
I've been a good man to you for seven years and
I have nothing to
show for it. These last two weeks have been
hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you had quit your job today and
that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice
that I had gotten a new
hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even
wore a brand new pair of
silk boxers.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went
straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me
you love me anymore, you
don't want sex anymore or anything. Either
you're cheating on me or you
don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm
gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!




Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving
your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good man is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much
because they drown
out your constant whining and griping. Too bad
that doesn't work. I did
notice when you got a hair cut last week, the
first thing that came to mind was
You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised
me not to say anything
if you can't say anything nice. And when you
cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago. I turned away from you when you
had those new silk boxers
on because the price tag was still on them. I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99... After
all of
this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit
the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job
and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope
you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your
letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.

Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but
Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem