Very urgent question for Any who know the school/mental health system?

[Mysta]

I apologize, Ill try to keep this short and not too detailed...I sat for 2 days, wondering if I should ask for help, about My oldest daughter, for a mental health issue.
After speaking further with her, and her father, I realized, with horror, that the situation was far worse than i realized, and, I cannot sleep, and am trying to calm myself enough to make some plans, and fly out there this week, for some emergency intervention...
I know I need to gather myself, and have made some tentative plans, with her full agreement and eager for my help, just hoping to get a plane out *hopefully* at the beginning or end of the week.
My two questions, and, ideas Id thought of and discussed with her...
1.,..if Any know of, or are a part of the mental heath system, how do i go about setting up a longer than her normal hour appt, id like a several hour, maybe over 2 days, meeting, a kind of emergency intervention, as shes very willing to have me participate...I dont want to come off wrong to her psychologist, and to have a kind of plan, or goal, in place...I dont want to seem the overbearing freaked out parent, even though i am right now...any guidance on dealing with them, would be appreciated...its a state one, as opposed to a private one, so, her issues may not be being dealt with properly...what she told me two days ago, worried me, to where i wanted to TALk with the doctors, but what her father told me today, with almost helplessness..(he doesnt know what to do, how to handle her, and, just thinks the doctors or the school will 'fix her')...it dont work like that, not with a child considering suicide...after having exhibited self destructive behaviour, thats getting worse(cutting, etc)..thats why im very upset, and going to go up there as soon as that plane ticket is secured,....hopefully, I can get some guidance, from someone, as to how to help them, and me, help her...before i leave...

2...many of the problems stem from harrassment, almost abuse, and problems with school...with teachers who will not stop what is happening, to a not so helpful principle...who treats her badly, (from her POV) I know that parents are allowed to 'audit' or set in and view their child's classes, at least in a public school.
If Any knows how the school district, or system works...what I seek to do, (and she wishes it as well) For me to tell, perhaps a school district member, or the principle...who I am, and that I wish to monitor and audit her class...to get a feel and handle on issues she faces...but I DONT wish the teacher of the classes to know who I am...at least, not which student is my child. That will prevent an abrupt change in behavior, or, altered behaviour for my presence...if they dont know whos parent I am...no fallback, or different treatment can occurr that day. If they would even begrudgingly keep it VERY secret, and just advise the teachers that im a 'set in monitor' or, something else, that would be great...But, I do not know the school system, and do not know what they will and will not do. Im not necessarily trying to 'catch ' the teachers at all...just to witness, if possible, what she describes as going on, that they fail to halt, with regards to being hit, having things thrown, and more. Id like to see it from a backseat view, and, see what the teachers reaction to such things, are..if they do occurr.
Then we'll have more to work with, with her counselor.
Her home life, is going through upheaval as well, shes delighted that her dad and his GF is splitting up, im really worried as to how she will react if that does not in fact occurr...her entire behaviour has changed, and her father agrees that his gf takes out some anger towards him, on Her...
So, while im there, we will be making the decision as well, if she needs to immediately come to stay with me right away....having to be there, and watch a bad break up, or, break up and get backtogether, as people often do...is NOT what she needs, while having her own, very very important issues...
Mommy has to step in, I can no more stand by and watch, or get 'updates", than I could hurl myself into a volcano....Im just trying to see how BEST...I can help, without overreacting, and frightening Her, or distancing or being overbearing on either the school, or Her psychiatrist.
I know this is a big order....advice wise, but Id dearly love any bit or piece that can help....
Shes my life...Im so glad she told someone before taking the 'final way out'....and Im going to be there for her, no matter what it takes...I just need to know best HOW to help, to avoid making any mistakes...any missteps that could cause rifts with her getting better...
I just refuse to stand by and 'let the system do it"...when, She needs far more...so Im jumping in with both feet and no regard for anything BUT Her well being...(I dont want to piss off school/psychologists though, and hinder or damage anything)

Thank You so much...*quiet hugs...practicing calming Myself, cause i cant break down in front of her*S*

[Mae]

Hugs..  I have  2 mentally retarded children  one with  anger issues..  I know  the fustration  You are feeling. First off is  Your  daughter on any kind of anti deprescents , second have You concidered  hospitalizing her for  more intense therapy. I had to  do that with  My oldest  .. it is not easy  I know  .. third  You could think about home schooling for  a while . it is sad to say but  alot of educators  dont deal well with special needs  children especially if they have emotional needs. My son was  constintly in the principles office until  I  found out  that  other kids were  starting  things to  get  him  all ryled up.  of course   what was seen  was just  his behavior.  I am happy to say he is  off  all meds now  and will graduate  high school this yr..  so  it does work out  .. and dont worry about how  you  look to the therapist   you do what ever  it takes to get   your  daughter  the help  she needs .

[Catylynn]

it is very hard to be able to " suggest" things when the whole of the story is not here , what I mean by whole is the birth, the growing up and her adolescent issues ..... Your giving it from a "Mom" point of view and in this case there are "hers", " her dads" and the "schools" , if you are here asking for urgent help then I suggest as a medical professional to take her to a hospital to have her evaluated.  "Urgent" usually means there is danger of some sort involved , that damage can occur if its not treated quickly. 

A childs mental health is a very fragile thing and if the things you say have been happening to you ( on the AR boards ) and now things with your Ex , Your daughter is probably at her breaking point , unlike adults childrens coping mechanisms are not as mature and they cannot handle many things, You being the adult are the one who is to sponge her from anything bad. It seems that this girl has been around alot of things that a child her age should not have been around.

Do the parent thing - Talks of suicide is a serious issue, its a cry for help , please dont delay in getting her help this is a LONG LONG process , it wont be healed overnight or in a month or three . Anger is a two way street , she see's , she acts and trust me children dont do things overnight , they are raised and they "develop" their personality by their surroundings.

Do not blame the school - trust me I see Social Services daily in my work , Teachers are what they call mandatory callers and if they feel  your daughter is in danger they must report it , also as a parent you have every right to ask for your child to be tested, but I know they will never allow a parent to monitor in classes , it has something to do with privacy laws and minors.


Mental retardation is not the same as emotional issues such as ADD/AHD , oppositional defiance disorder , obsessive compulsive disorder or Bi-polar /mania.. These are the "wiring " of the brain were as mental retardation is usually a defect of the brain. 


Please dont get me wrong but why is this posted here ? why aren't you calling her pediatrician , or some mental health provider ?This is serious and I think you know how serious by the tone of your message .. I wouldnt be here I would be at a hospital wanting to support and help in any way I can ..I suggest you seek help for the both of you .

I wish you well

Bella /saphyre

[Mysta]

*hugs and smiles quietly*
She was in PA, living with her father, when the stuff with me and the ex happened...im glad of that.

Many hours of trying to talk with her, and her blatant refusal later....im just...torn, puzzled...and still without answers....Im more concerned...that its not as it seemed on the surface...not entirely a school issue...she admitted she never reported anything, 'as it didnt seem that bad"....but will not, or cannot explian her self mutilating actions, nor her threats to others, which are very, very serious....
She has been wavering on points....admitting one moment, then firmly denying and playing around the next...
In an hour, ill be speaking with her father again, Im going to speak to an old family friend, a very good psychologist....and asking if,indeed, if she cannot answer these things,...if inpatient therapy to gradually build rapport, to get help, and provide answers, when she is ready...may be the best thing....
its breaking my heart...I explianed what it was to her....and, she really doesnt seem to care either way....
But, threatening to burn down a house with people she disliked inside....and then saying it didnt happen, then recanting, but saying.."i just wrote it, it was a test thing"....sends alarms blaring in my head....
Ill speak with some professionals, and with her father.....im really...at a loss, and it hurts alot....to realuze, i may not be able to just swoop up there, and make everything ok...
but im still open to suggestion....stayed up all night trying to research stuff, then tried not to get angry when i tried to calmly, pateintly talk to her....and, she wouldnt answer, or, just type.."why?" when i asked about the start of the cutting....she cannot provide an answer....to just let it slide away....i know, would be a very bad call....
gonna rest, before tears on the laptop fry the thing....*hugs quiet*

[Catylynn]

I am sorry but again I reiterate , the time it took you to post you could have her at the hospital !! do not delay .. 

Sad fact is if she attempts to self mutilate / attempt suicide and you refused to gether help you may lose your daughter for a long long time , that is negligence !!!! You can have your children taken away for it ! and if she lives with dad call someone !!   

[Mysta]

Custody at the moment is with her father, we have been working on a shared plan for some time....
unfortunately, our divorce never was final....and h as to be done all over again.
Im almost 3000 miles away....Ive spoken with her for hours, didnt sleep, waited up for her, talked, and talked to Him when He came home for lunch...
Hes reassurring me, when im all anxious and trying to get him to help with a decision, quickly, but...we will discuss later this eve, when he gets off work....what we will do....Shes not alone, theres people with her...and she is in treatment with a psychologist 2x a week....
He and i will decide, after i get ahold of an old family friend, the best psychologist i ever met....what steps we can do....
I never refused to gather help for her..i was just informed of this...the event about the suicide discussion, (not attempt)being almost two months ago now....I was furious at her father for not telling me....and we spoke often, he, she, and i....
Now, suddenly everything is being told to me...and im whirling with frustration, anger, and lots of other emotions.
i strongly disagree with your post, saphyre....and do not lay blame...Im trying QUITE hard to calm myself, after reading your post.....


*edits but does not remove, for i dont just erase and pretend i never said it*

I apologize, sweetheart...I likely took your post in a very wrong way...i can only offer a apology, from staying up all eve and agonizing....im sure you meant well just by warning me of the possibilities...i was just frustrated cause thus far, im doing all i can....and her father is as well....mayhaps not as pushy or as effective as id like, but....its a step at a time...any mention, that i hear, of disparaging her life....will result in her immediately being taken down for observation....
After speaking with a wonderful member of AR, who works in that field for a very long time....i stopped agonizing, and realized, that the steps that were being taken, were good ones....rushing and dragging her into something new and unknown, could have worse results....
*hugs saph* Im sorry for getting angry, when you were trying to help....know that id never refuse help, and id blast through their door in a second if I knew that iminent danger was at hand....she has been doing better, the last two weeks, with her new counselor, and, has a contract with her to stop the cutting....I told her her trip to hawaii for her b day did weigh heavily on that as well....Im not going to take her far away from things, to have a relapse..(but who can be unhappy in hawaiii!!!)
as much as i want to rush and 'make things better"..im very glad i didnt go bursting to the school first....Ill get the records, and review them....but i dont want to frighten her or suddenly change things..that was advised as bad...

LAST recourse will be the involuntary admission to inpatient treatment....ill,. liken it to jail....people learn and see things there, that, if they were innocent before...teaches them the wrong things...
Ive been there, (turns out i wasnt supposed to be, I was supposed to be taken for an actual APPOINTMENT!) but when id called to pressure the military clinic for the umpteenth time to find out(later) that id slipped through the cracks, they overreacted....and took me in(panic attacks, proud survivor and almost-defeator of them!)...I was quite calm until i had to stop a woman from breaking a mirror apart to slash her wrists....then, I hung out with the staff, and they called the doctor down...and i was released*L*
I never want her to see that....or other things that were there.....*shudders*

[Catylynn]

Serenity

I am a medical professional , I TAKE these things seriously ........ You may strongly disagree with my post but everything I have stated is the truth. You came here and posted a frantic note ASKING for help , correct ? and I , in my opinion gave you what I thought was the best opinion.

Its when you use words like ( see underlined )

I apologize, Ill try to keep this short and not too detailed...I sat for 2 days, wondering if I should ask for help, about My oldest daughter, for a mental health issue.
After speaking further with her, and her father, I realized, with horror, that the situation was far worse than i realized, and, I cannot sleep, and am trying to calm myself enough to make some plans, and fly out there this week, for some emergency intervention...
I know I need to gather myself, and have made some tentative plans, with her full agreement and eager for my help, just hoping to get a plane out *hopefully* at the beginning or end of the week.
My two questions, and, ideas Id thought of and discussed with her...


1.,..if Any know of, or are a part of the mental heath system, how do i go about setting up a longer than her normal hour appt, id like a several hour, maybe over 2 days, meeting, a kind of emergency intervention, as shes very willing to have me participate...I dont want to come off wrong to her psychologist, and to have a kind of plan, or goal, in place...I dont want to seem the overbearing freaked out parent, even though i am right now...any guidance on dealing with them, would be appreciated...its a state one, as opposed to a private one, so, her issues may not be being dealt with properly...what she told me two days ago, worried me, to where i wanted to TALk with the doctors, but what her father told me today, with almost helplessness..(he doesnt know what to do, how to handle her, and, just thinks the doctors or the school will 'fix her')...it dont work like that, not with a child considering suicide...after having exhibited self destructive behaviour, thats getting worse(cutting, etc)..thats why im very upset, and going to go up there as soon as that plane ticket is secured,....hopefully, I can get some guidance, from someone, as to how to help them, and me, help her...before i leave...

But what scares me the most is this part :

having to be there, and watch a bad break up, or, break up and get backtogether, as people often do...is NOT what she needs, while having her own, very very important issues...
Mommy has to step in, I can no more stand by and watch, or get 'updates", than I could hurl myself into a volcano....Im just trying to see how BEST...I can help, without overreacting, and frightening Her, or distancing or being overbearing on either the school, or Her psychiatrist.
I know this is a big order....advice wise, but Id dearly love any bit or piece that can help....
Shes my life...Im so glad she told someone before taking the 'final way out'....and Im going to be there for her, no matter what it takes...I just need to know best HOW to help, to avoid making any mistakes...any missteps that could cause rifts with her getting better...
I just refuse to stand by and 'let the system do it"...when, She needs far more...so Im jumping in with both feet and no regard for anything BUT Her well being...(I dont want to piss off school/psychologists though, and hinder or damage anything)

This is a sign to take her to the hospital !

Many hours of trying to talk with her, and her blatant refusal later....im just...torn, puzzled...and still without answers....Im more concerned...that its not as it seemed on the surface...not entirely a school issue...she admitted she never reported anything, 'as it didnt seem that bad"....but will not, or cannot explian her self mutilating actions, nor her threats to others, which are very, very serious....





But, threatening to burn down a house with people she disliked inside....and then saying it didnt happen, then recanting, but saying.."i just wrote it, it was a test thing"....sends alarms blaring in my head....
Ill speak with some professionals, and with her father.....im really...at a loss, and it hurts alot....to realuze, i may not be able to just swoop up there, and make everything ok...
but im still open to suggestion....stayed up all night trying to research stuff, then tried not to get angry when i tried to calmly, pateintly talk to her....and, she wouldnt answer, or, just type.."why?" when i asked about the start of the cutting....she cannot provide an answer....to just let it slide away....i know, would be a very bad call....

I am sorry if what I said hurt , but I think most people would look at this and think the same thing, get your Ex to take her somewhere and I dont believe for a minute any psychologist would ever tell you this is not serious because it is. You have changed your tune from the first post which you stated was urgent to oh its not so urgent, I cannot understand how it is downplayed now.


I will not be responding again to this post and do wish you and yours good luck.

[Mysta]

whoa*LOL* we were both posting at the same time! Go back and read*S* Please

Ill read and review yours carefully as well!

[kadi{MTC}]

ok kadi is not a child but she used to self harm, she has tried killing herself, and it was all down to family matters, Mistress kadi thinks the best thing for Your daughter right now is for her to know that she has to parents that love her dearly and by Your posts she can see You do, also kadi thinks Your daughter needs to be with her Mum for the time being, home schooling untill she has settled with You, kadi feels this would be the best way for You to go, if her dad is about to broke up with g/f Your daughter will only get worse if she sees this and from what You say she dont like the g/f, talk to her dad and make him see that she will be better off with You for the time being


kadi

[Mysta]

I sent this in a note to saph, if shes still upset, hope she will get it*S*

Im not sure if i stated in this post, or the AR post...
i only now found out the incident of her mentioning it...happened almost 2 months ago....
Im so frustrated cause no one told me, her father, her, no one...till yesterday....
so, she has indeed been in therapy..., her father is reasurring me shes doing better...but im getting him to get her more help as well....Ill be seeking the rescources, and making sure no calls for help go overlooked....
I had no wish to invade her privacy, but after she handed out a phone number to a guy online, her father, luckily caught the call...were installing a keylogger on her computer as well, and will review it daily....since she may tell others, first, before telling Us...as a privacy breaking, but much needed, security measure...

I was advised, by someone who has worked MANY years, with this exact thing...that sudden change may not be good....I will run it by Catnip again, the part about the breakup in progress....and see if her opinion differs....She had some wonderful advice...and, after a short rest, and tracking down the psychologist in alaska...Ill send her another messsage...I know her father trusts fully in the psycholgist there, and, Catnip pointed out , that, since she couldnt tell me, or her father, the truth of the matter....she might well indeed tell the 3rd (neautral) party....as many things have come out since her seeing the psychologist....
Ill ask her, and, see if a good medium can be reached...
Or go duct tape the ex girlfriend and have the trash truck pick her up...*muses*......bad kharma.....hell, i have enuff good saved up to spend some!

*S* ..I loved homeschooling(well, lots of catch up work) her in idaho, when lexie was born....within a month and a half, when she was a 7th grader, stuck in a IU program they wouldnt get her out of, left behind at a 3rd grade math level....with tutoring, and teaching her resources and problem solving, brought both her math and reading up past the 7th grade level in a month!
a deep, long chat with her father, and, when she gives permission to her psychologist to talk with me...perhaps we can see about her coming here...as she has expressed....if we can make the change almost seamless...having a great psychologist(I know a very good one, will ask if he can see her) here in town...
yes, my babys health, mental and physical....comes before anything else...I realized that i must tread rather carefully, however...if she has developed a rapport and trust with the psychologist.....I dont want to suddenly remove her 'trust and safety net"
But going up, still seems like a good idea....she was very eager and amenable to me joining her sessions...she just became a wall when i tried to get the reasons...I likely went the 'overanxious' mother route, and backed her off.
If she likes this psychologist, (and she does)..she must be a good lady.

[Amantha]

I haven't done so in a long time, but used to teach for 10 years, and so maybe laws have changed, but when I was teaching, every parent had a right to observe any class their child was in without notice to the teacher. It is the same way you can stop by at any time to observe a child in daycare or in private care. And a good school and teacher that has nothing to hide should welcome people stopping by. You should stop at the principal's office to make known of your presence, sign in, and state what you wish to do. That is simple protocal. If the school says you cannot observe your child in her classroom, I would inquire to a lawyer about not being allowed to, because I would not have my child be in a school where I could not observe her or her classes when I desired.   A classroom in not a private situation and does not go under the guise of student/teacher privacy, when the children are minors with an adult. And in today's society some classrooms and buses are even videod.  

But I do agree with the other posts.. seek help. My sister's family deals has 4 kids with bipolar disorder, and it manifests itself in many forms, from drugs, to suicide attempts, to tempter tantums, steeling, so on and so on.. She got help and a proper diagnosis and her kids are fairing well.  Call the local mental health unit and ask LOTS OF QUESTIONS.. Some have a 24 hour observation program..

[cat{MTC}]

please there is only one thing to do ..is to find  a center for young children  with same problem You have..
there is not way to avoid such toughts with one hour therapy nor in having her stay home ..medications even must be given under control because usually
repeat usually  young teen  commite suicide when are on meds because they gain the strenght to do so..do not  think can handle it at home
she must be with people that will motoring her changes
you maybe can find a place that will allow you to be with her
but i please suggest you to speak right away with the closest center
and schedule a meeting they will find out to what level she is ..
please tell You this not because want scare You
do not trust in one hour per week or so of therapy..please get into this soon You can

cat

[Mysta]

Im taking this far more serious than my own life*S*
My plane leaves friday....that way ill get to request some stuff, and see if the psychologist can make special extended, in depth appointments for me and her on tues and thurs....get to have one on one time on the weekend as well with her...wanna squish her till her eyes bug out with hugs!
I gotta lug her autographed electric guitar with me...*L*
and, i think we can make some progress....as, she is eager to have me attend her sessions as well, with her,...and for me to get school records, peruse them, in DEPTH...and, talk with them....

Shes been very chirpy happy, and, very glad that i would come up so quick for her....of course i would*S*

Please, dear god...theyre both nonstop flights....i have to get up and walk around..., but its almost certain the risk for more blood clots, whether it be the lungs  brain, or elsewhere....will happen again...
I havnt flown since last spring...when i was pregnant again, and a day after returning home, had a odd feeling in my chest, and pain...
blood clot was caught and evaporated 4 inches from my heart....and, there was a clot in the sac just behind the baby, and I wasnt allowed to carry further...
Im scared as hell, but i cant NOT go to her....

Im too mean to die yet....I have a long list still!! please wish me well, and thank you for all your help and advice*S*


Tuchuks...Too MEAN to give up!!*G*

[Yahira]

I am coming to this late, but if you have not found the answers you are seeking, I may be able to point you in the direction of some of the assistance that you are needing..  I need more information that I would certainly not want to see you post here.  Send me an IM if you are still needing help, and we can sit down and talk.. 

[fayeen]

hello, i scanned over this briefly and i myself am still young (just 20). It is very normal at a teenagers age to feel like everyone is being hateful towards you, that no one likes you and that is the "angst" years. I do not know your situation well, and i do not know your child, however - i said things to catch attention. I said things to notice people's reactions, to see for myself if people cared for me. You'd be surprised the length people will go at times. I went to a psychologist at 16 and it did nothing but cut down my self-esteem even more. The most important thing I think, is for you to visit and have a sit down, a long talk with her face to face. Just listen, do not give your opinion on anything unless she asks it. I'm in Delaware, and although I don't know you or her, I'm interested and hopeful for how this turns out.

Best of luck,
Christina/fayeen