a little laugh :-)

[RAGNAR]

JDL

[Lilac]

my girl, jale, sent this to me and I about died laughing..  thought I would share


 I met a fairy today that granted me one wish.

"I want to live forever, " I said.

"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine" I said, "I want to die after the Lions win the Super Bowl!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

[Mercilayne]

-bol- 

[RAGNAR]

LOL

[familure{TD}]

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets


Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'


And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased . . .. . . .
And Dog was happy. . . . .


And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other....

[RAGNAR]

LMTAO

[razz|n.o.i.r]

-applaudes- 

[familure{TD}]

now the REAL story of the 3 Bears


A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....


'I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!

[familure{TD}]

On the Way to the Wedding


On their way to get married, a young couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; could they still get married in heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.. Let me go find out," and he went back inside.

The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in heaven together forever?"

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted.. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a Lawyer?!?"

[RAGNAR]

now the REAL story of the 3 Bears


A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....


'I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!

Dats my gunny!!!
 

[Mercilayne]

LMAO

[flame{NS}]

Lmao at all of them thank you i really did need a laugh...


da flame

[Taryn]

The California Highway Patrol is cracking down on speeders heading towards the city of San Diego

For the first offense, they give you two Chargers tickets.

If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

[RAGNAR]

True dat!!!

 

[prism {*RgR*1*}]

I gotta love my darlin' Dave in Philly... this is from him..




The Love Dress

A  woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.   

She let herself in and was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and  the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What  are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm  waiting for Mike to come home from work,"  the  daughter-in-law answered.

"But  you're naked!" the mother-in-law  exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me and wants me to  wear this dress," she  explained."  It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me  in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic  and  ravages  me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me"

The  mother-in-law left. When she got home, she  undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a  romantic  CD,  and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband  to arrive.  Finally, her husband came home. He walked  in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What  are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love  dress," she whispered sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said "What's for dinner?

He  never heard the gunshot...