STUFF I LEARNED IN TEXAS
-Aggravated – Used to describe everything from mild annoyance to dangerous, murderous rage.
-Conniption – A fit, getting all worked up over something. Example: That child was having a conniption! Someone needed to tan his hide.
-Looker – An attractive person. Example: “Wow! She’s a looker!”
...-Beat You Like a Rented Mule – Obviously you don’t want this to happen.
-Whole Nuther Thing – Something else entirely. Usually used to denote another story there isn’t time to relate. Example: I was down at the grocery store when I ran into my neighbor. He’s got this annoying dog, but that’s a whole nuther thing…”
-Plum Wore Out – Fatigued, exhausted; also sometimes used for “worn out” machinery, etc. Example: “After a long hard day I’m plum wore out.”
-All Hat and No Cattle – All show and no go… all talk and no action.
-This Ain’t My First Rodeo – I wasn’t born yesterday. I’ve been around a while. Experienced.
-If it was a snake it’d have jumped up and bit ya – An item “hidden” in plain sight.
If you aren’t the brightest bulb in the drawer you might get called:
-Dumber than dirt
-Dumb as a box of rocks
-Dumb as a box of hammers
-Not the sharpest tool in the shed
If you can’t be trusted you might be:
-Crooked as a dog’s hind leg
-Crooked as a barrel of snakes
If you’re attractive you might be:
-Cute as a possum.
-There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.
-It’s so hot, the trees are bribing the dogs.
-Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back in.
-If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
-If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
-Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
-If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
-Don’t squat with your spurs on.
-It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep
-Always drink upstream from the herd.
-Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Finally, you never have to ask a man if he’s from Texas. If he is, he’ll tell you on his own. If he ain’t, well, there’s no need to embarrass him.
1. Pull up yer britches.
2. I’ll see you in the mornin’ if the Lord is willin’and the creek don’t rise.
3. Even a blind pig’ll find an acorn every once in a while! (anyone can get lucky) -also- Even a broke clock is right twice a day.
4. That dog won’t hunt! (unacceptable)
5. Titty baby (spoiled, coddled, or acting immature)
6. Who goes thar? Friend or Foe? (addressing an uninvited visitor)
7. Reach in the icebox and brang me a Coke. -What kind dýa want? -Red {fruit punch, strawberry, cherry, etc. fizzy beverage}.
(Using colors to indicate flavor also works with kool-aid). ie) Momma said what kinda Kool-Aid dya want with supper? -Red
But the most common words are FIXIN TO and YALL so to those Texas out there be proud of our Texan Slaging.
-I’m fixin’ to tell you a little Texas secret: I was brought up not saying “fixin’ to.” My maternal grandfather came from a family of “preachers and teachers.” He brought my mother up to speak properly, grammatically and correctly. He was very strict.
-We did not say “fixin’ to” at my house. In fact, I did not even have a Texas accent until I was 10 and decided to talk like my friends at school. Sad but true.
So when I went up to East Texas to go to college, it was a full four years before I found myself, one fine May day, telling someone I was “fixin’ to go class.” As we used to say in those days, I about swallowed my teeth.
-In case you are unfamiliar with the phrase, “fixing to,” pronounced “fixin’ to,” is kind of interesting. It means “getting ready to” or “about to” do something.
I wonder if it is possibly a parallel usage to the Spanish “acaba de” which means exactly the same thing. At least that may be why the use of “fixin’ to” lingers here in Texas. It just sounds right to lots of Texans.
I’m not sure about anywhere else, though. But I’m fixin’ to find out.
