a little laugh :-)

[ariella {*Arlon*}]

oh, it is worth watching, they can;t get You through the screen

[Taryn]

~chuckles and fights the urge to scream~ I will save it and watch it during a time when I am not already surrounded by spiders... ~shudders and yelps~ ask anyone who was at the gathering last year, how badly I hate spiders... ~huggggggggggggggles you and then goes back to killing more of those damn things in the bathroom as they aren't helping the fly population diminish, proves they are evil~

[Kitya]

oh gods.... *laffs* I actually REMEMBER watching Hinterland's Who's Who on tv!!! I must have missed that episode tho. *grinz and goes to send the link to my friend in Calgary*

[Thalia]

Nyungh, sonufa--!!

I tried, I really did, but I couldn't get past thirty seconds.  -shudders and slaps down the skin that's trying to crawl up my neck-

[Amber]

Saw that one in an email awhile back.  I hate spiders, but was laughing so hard that I couldn't be ickyfied by it -lol-

[ariella {*Arlon*}]

I applied for a job at a local video store today, and they sent me home with a few pages of job descriptions. I just had to share this one section:

While performing the duties of this job, the employee is regularly required to stand, walk, use hands to finger, handle, or feel, and reach with hands and arms. ((hmmm, wonder what goes on in the back room))

The employee is occasionally required to climb or balance and stoop, kneel, crouch, or crawl. (sounds like fun)

[Thalia]

Damn, where do I apply for a job like that?! LOL Sounds like subs-r-us!

[RAGNAR]

Is this a job description for a video store employee or a hooker?

 

[Dream]

got this in an email.......hope no one in camp is a lawyer and doesn't get offended, but if they ask stupid questions like these lawyers.....


Subject: Lawyers

From a book called Disorder in the American Courts, Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know whether your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam???
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium h eight and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m .
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
___________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________
And saving the best for last...

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[Dream]

Men, take note of how to treat your wife as she ages.

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job, both for the extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other...
Ron

EDITOR'S NOTE: Ron died suddenly Thursday May 26. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II rammed up his backside with only 2 inches of grip showing...His wife Julie was arrested, but the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat down on it

[prism {*RgR*1*}]

yes... *nodding*... of course he sat on it....

heh heh heh.. 

[Thalia]

-HOWLS over the lawyer ones-

I don't know how you do the voodoo that you do...

Sheesh.

[Alex]

There was a survey taken of 100 males of why they liked oral sex from there wives

12% liked the feeling

8% liked the domination

and I save the best for last




80% liked the silence




next


Whats the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?



The position of the dirtbag

[flame{NS}]

 9 WORDS WOMEN USE
 
1.  Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 
2.  Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 
3.  Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
 
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
 
5.  Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
 
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
 
8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying _____ YOU!
 
9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking  "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
 
*Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
 
*Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.

[prism {*RgR*1*}]

Thank you sweetest jale~

I am still laughing~~



"It's  just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the  shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the  lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she  replied.