a little laugh :-)

[MageNathaniel1]

drink responsibly means dont spill it

[RAGNAR]

 

[MageNathaniel1]

late night outaide of a bar that was about to close a coo is watching the pateons as they exit looking for potential drunk drivers. He spots a guy coming out who is ataggering all over the parking lot holding what appears to be car keys in hus hand. The cop focuses his attention on the guy even as other patrons come put and leave. The guy finally makes his way to to a car, fumbles with his keys trying to get in as the cop keepa watching him. Finally, the guy is the last ine in the parking lot, he gets into his car adm starts it. The cop thinks ok this is my chance, this guy is way too drunk to drive so he pulls into the parking lot behind the guy with his lights on. The cop gets out of his car goes up to the guy and goes through the usual, license, regiatration, etc. The cop smells inaide the car but does not smell any alcohol. He has the guy get out of the car and put him through eveey sobriety test he knows, the guy aces them all. Finally, the cop does a portably breath test on the guy who blows 0.00. The cop says I dont get it you were staggering all over the place loke you were completely drunk yet here you are sober, what gives. The guy says oh, that, well you see, I did not drink anything tonight as I was the designated decoy to keep you busy while the others left.

[RAGNAR]

SCORE!!!!! 

[MageNathaniel1]

doc you just have to write me a prescription for these the keep me from being depressed   I am sorry but I cannot justify writing you a prescription for those, it is not medically needed   but doc they make me so happy   no, there is just no way I can write you a presciption for tacos    but it is impossible for me to be sad when holding a taco    no, I cannot justify it.   doc you seem to be getting upset here have a taco

[RAGNAR]

 

[MageNathaniel1]

a guy is out driving, a cop pulls him over and begins a series of sobriety tests on him as it is late at night and the road he is on is known for drunk drivers. The guy says officer, honestly, I habe not had a drink in days
 I can prove it. The cop says how? The guy says I am a juggler, and I juggle chain saws let me show you. The guy pulls a case from the trunk as the cop watches him closely and inspects the tunk and case to make sure there are no weapons. The officer allows the guy to do his juggling act and is facinated. The guy finishes. The officer says ok, you must be sober to do that. As they are talking another car pulls up behind the cop car, a man gets out of the driver seat, gsets into the back seat of the cop car and closes the door. The cop walks over to the guy in the back of the car and says what is this about. The guy says I saw you with the guy and the chainsaws if that is how you do sobriety tests now, jist go ahead and run me in to the station.

[RAGNAR]

LOL

[MageNathaniel1]

I do not have a drinking problem, I drink, I fall down, I stimble up, no problem

[RAGNAR]

 

[MageNathaniel1]

a drunkard stumbles home from the local bar stopping along the way at a liquor store to pick up one more bottle. He slips the bottle into his pocket then continues home. He falls on the way up the stairs into the house. He feels liquid on his hip. He quickly checks it and finds it is a bit of blood from a cut. He says thank goodness I yhought I had broken my last bottle.

[RAGNAR]

 

[MageNathaniel1]

a guy runs into a bar looking very stressed and says to the barkeep give me a drink quick before it starts. the barkeep pours him a drink, the guy gulps it down and asks for another before it starts. the barkeep complies but asks before what starts? in walks the guys wif eand starts yelling at him. the guy says it just started.

[RAGNAR]

Forget the drink, hand me the street-sweeper you keep behind the bar. 

[Shadow duck]

CHRISTMAS TRADITION EXPLAINED:🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
In early December, four of Santa's elves got sick. When the trainee elves could not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa began to feel some Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus mentioned that her Mother was coming to visit, stressing Santa even more.
He went to harness the reindeer, and found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had gotten loose and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then, when he began load-testing the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked; the bag of toys fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went back in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
Opening the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, breaking it into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He got the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom
Just then the doorbell rang. An irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, only to find a little Angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The Angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this.
You're welcome.